Interesting question for this reason:
A friend of ours (my partner and I) is having a birthday BBQ this weekend. She had previously talked about possibly having it around this time when we were at her house chatting one day. I thought of us as friends and my partner is a good friend of her husband.
Today, I received a message on facebook from one of her flatmates (who is also a friend in the group) saying that we should come over on Saturday for “Nancy“s birthday BBQ and drinks.
I felt a pang of hurt that Nancy hadn’t sent me a txt invite. I took it a little personally, thinking “I thought we were friends, not super close friends (because she is the wife of my partners friend, not directly my friend, still friends through the guys though) but we get on well and we went to her wedding etc.” “We visit them from time to time and always have a good time hanging out and chatting. She even asked me if I wanted to be hair model for her portfolio recently.” I stewed on it this morning wondering why we weren’t invited. Certainly didn’t feel comfortable attending on the flatmate’s invitation.
I ended up texting Nancy this morning advising that “Barbara” had invited us over on Saturday and was that ok?”
She replied “Of course, it wouldn’t be the same without you guys.” Nice text to receive but I do feel a little odd now, I mean it is very difficult to say to me “Sorry, I actually wasn’t intending on inviting you. Nothing personal, I just wanted certain friends there.”
Anyway, you are either someones friend or you’re not. Be prepared to realise that a direct “non-invite” can be perceived as a message to others that you don’t like them.