General Question

bean's avatar

How long should you wait before having sex?

Asked by bean (1327points) January 17th, 2010
74 responses
“Great Question” (3points)

When you start a new relationship with some one… how long should you wait before having sex with them? is 2 weeks enough?

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Haroot's avatar

Whenever you’re both comfortable with it. Don’t go by society’s norm. If you both want it, you both trust each other, and you’re both ready, then go for it.

Sebulba's avatar

2 years

janbb's avatar

Everyone is different and every relationship is different. There is no hard (as it were) and fast rule for everyone. Do what feels comfortable for you and your partner. I personally feel that having sex with someone usually ups the ante emotionally so you want to be ready for that, but that may just be me.

eponymoushipster's avatar

til the roofies kick in.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Wow I have never had a bf soo..I’m not really sure of what could happen, but I think if you guys really mean alot to eachother. It just depends on peopleXD but I would say 2 weeks isn’t enough…hope I helped:)

Pcrecords's avatar

Half an hour after food… Or is that swimming?

CMaz's avatar

Is 2 weeks enough??! LOL

I say wait till you are 30. Or, when you feel ready. Never let ANYONE pressure you.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

It’s different for each couple. What you are both comfortable with. Physical love is bringing the relationship to a higher level of commitment. In our case it took over 4 years and we married shortly after.

bean's avatar

@ChazMaz I’ve already had sex….i’ve only had one relationship, i’m 19 but wondering after just 2 weeks of dating, if i wanted to… is that ok or should I wait a little while… i’m scared even if i want to, he might not want me anymore… hahaha but thanks for the advice

Cruiser's avatar

Wait as long as you feel comfortable knowing that if they left you for any reason you would be cool having slept together.

Your_Majesty's avatar

As soon as you want after he/she promise will responsible.

poisonedantidote's avatar

just wait, as long as she shows you attention in other ways like cuddling up to watch a movie or kisses and what not i don’t see any reason to hurry. just enjoy each others company and occasionally drop a suggestive remark.

bean's avatar

@poisonedantidote by the way…. I’m the girl…
maybe…if i wanted to…I should show some affection and see where that leads?

Scooby's avatar

In my last relationship we decided to wait a while at the beginning , she was a little unsure as she had just come out of a bad relationship & wanted to take things slowly, that was fine with me I was glad she mentioned it as I was as keen as mustard to get stuck in, I might have blown it had I rushed in too fast! So we took our time, we got to know each other better over the next couple of months so when it did happen it was really special, communication is the key, you need to be able to talk to one another & discuss what each other likes or dislikes above all respect each others boundaries, if there are any issues it’s best to talk about them first,, Good luck….. ;-)

PandoraBoxx's avatar

If you are hesitant, then wait. But let your boyfriend know in a moment of normal discussion (and not in the heat of a moment) that you aren’t ready to have sex early on in the relationship. There’s nothing wrong with you being in control of the moment.

scotsbloke's avatar

There’n no correct answer to your question.
BUT you’ll know when it’s the right time for you. It’s obviously on your mind.
I’ve personally been down both ways, the “First night” sex and the “let’s wait a while till we are ready” sex – both had merits, both worked for that particular relationship.
As I have a tendency to say when giving advice – Talk to him. what does HE think? Discuss it, then you’ll be in a better position to make a decision. N’est pas?

I once went went without sex for 13 years! but when I hit 14 years old! WOW!! :0)
(as long as your relationship has smiling, laughing, understanding, respect and real tender care in it – you’ll be fine)

Chikipi's avatar

1 to 2 years. This is normally the time for me to figure out if we are ready for a serious commitment.

laureth's avatar

Depends on how fast you want to kill the dynamic tension and delicious mystery.

john65pennington's avatar

I would wait until your children say its okay with them.

nisse's avatar

I had sex with my SO the first time we met. We’re still doing great 3 years in, so i’d say do it when you feel comfortable with it.

filmfann's avatar

My motto for dating, love and sex, back in the day, was “If you feel it, feel it”.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

@bean You said “i’m scared even if i want to, he might not want me anymore”

Darling, if he didn’t want you anymore because you don’t want to have sex with him, then you should dump him. No relationship should survive simply because of the sex. That’s just plain superficial and will only cause your heartbreak eventually.

bean's avatar


he’s said ‘i love you’ twice, taking it slow with me, but I’m overseas at the moment and we talk every day over the Internet we haven’t talked about sex at all

I want to, but I don’t have enough experience to know when the best time to start being sexual is, though, doing what i feel comfortable with is good advice and seems logical, but he really is sweet, not expecting anything from me, making me feel happy. I want to so thats why i’m asking if its the right choice :)

borderline_blonde's avatar

If you want to, then go for it. Let me get super personal here: during the two longest, most loving relationships with men I’ve had, both times I had sex with them within the first week of dating. They stuck around because they weren’t just out to have sex with me. So, if he honestly cares about you, he’ll stick around and still want you no matter when you have sex with him (today or two years from now).

Saturated_Brain's avatar

@bean Good to know he isn’t an asshole. If he isn’t expecting anything from you and if he’s being really sweet, then don’t even think about sex. Not until he raises it. Correct me if I’m wrong here guys, but isn’t it usually the guys who initiate the bed-rolling?

But wait.. He told you that he loved you? And you’ve been dating him for.. Two weeks? I’m a little sceptical here..

bean's avatar


While i was with my ex boyfriend, when we had a fight or if I got upset he would ignore me, turn of his phone, but this guy I met through my boyfriend and when my boyfriend ignored me, I talked to this guy and he would tell me it’s ok.

A few months later after me and my boyfriend broke up me and this new guy planned to meet up and catch up but it turned out he wanted to take me on a date and the more we talked he had to tell me he loved me. So we knew each other for ages.

bean's avatar

but we were just friends, when he helped me out when my boyfriend didn’t… I don’t want it to sound like i’m a cheater… i would rather die before i cheat on some one

HungryGuy's avatar

Depends on the circumstances. Anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of minutes :-p

bean's avatar


wow….a couple of minutes is a bit too…um…way soon…
what circumstances would that be too?

HungryGuy's avatar

@bean – Do you really want to know?

bean's avatar

tell me ~

HungryGuy's avatar

@bean – Okay. You asked :-)

I write kinky erotic horror stories about women being used and humiliated (I won’t post the link here, but google Hungry Guy Stories and you’ll find ‘em). Women often write to me to tell me their kinky fantasies. Sometimes, they ask me to meet them for sex. Not often, but it has happened a couple of times. Back in October last year, a woman wrote to me and invited me for a romp. We were naked and doing it within, oh, about 10 minuites of meeting each other for the first tine. So there would be no false hopes or hurt feelings afterwards, we both agreed beforehand that it would be a “one night stand” and we would never see each other again.

Pcrecords's avatar

Ooh the suspense as hungry guy types out his response…
Mods standing by? ;-)

Pcrecords's avatar

! I’m not dissappointed.

HungryGuy's avatar

@Pcrecords – I’m glad I didn’t disappoint you :-)

bean's avatar


oh… you crazy older people who are far far away…. I don’t understand one night stands… never want to have one….

but I understand what you mean now, even if i don’t want to anymore its not going anywhere now U_U

but you reckon 2 weeks is ok for me?

bean's avatar

I wanna know more…but at the same time I don’t….

but sounds fascinating :D

Pcrecords's avatar

To clarify I’ve never had a one night stand or got to sex ten minutes into a relationship but the slow build to the answer was what had me on the edge of my seat.

You should send that as a plot point to Chuck Palaniuk.

bean's avatar

@Pcrecords I don’t know what chuck Palaniuk is but I agree with Pcrecords
I have nothing against one night stands, it’s up to people to do what they feel comfortable with, but for me, no. but I missed out on the slow build up to the question but reading all the comments after made a good read :D

HungryGuy's avatar

@Pcrecords – Nah. Experiences like that become plot points for my own stories…

bean's avatar

@HungryGuy… for some reason I’ve seen or heard of hungry guy… Do you publish your work, like, can people buy it…if so, I may have seen it in a shop called minator…

HungryGuy's avatar

@bean – Just google Hungry Guy Stories and you’ll find most of my work online…

Warning: my stories are not for the squeamish!

dutchbrossis's avatar

Whenever you are both comfortable and want it

LethalCupcake's avatar

If It’s your first time, you should think long and hard about it. But if not – just whenever you feel like it. I personally don’t make a big issue out of sex, or how long I’ve waited…. It’s just not a big deal to me

deepdivercwa55m's avatar

For me 1 week and a half. Well that’s because am young and not interested in serious relationships

simplicity's avatar

If it hasn’t happened by the fourth date it probably never will. If the magic is there, its there. And if its not, its not.

I’m not that old but still far too old to be waiting around to find out if the person I’m with is sexually compatible with me. And I know for a lot of people that isn’t that important but I like sex, a LOT, and if I’m going to be spending a lot of time doing it with someone I want to know it’s going to be enjoyable for both of us.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

It depends on how much scotch is involved.

broncosgirl's avatar

When you are comfortable. For some people, that’s the first date and for others it’s three years later. I had a boyfriend for three years who I never had sex with, my ex I had sex with three weeks into our relationship, and my current s/o right away. I’m pretty prude (only been with two people), and I based it on whether I felt comfortable or not. Don’t let him or anyone else pressure you what is “normal” or standard. Go with your gut :)

HungryGuy's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille – I can give you all the scotch you want :-p

Cruiser's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille I can get you scotch and all the chocolate cake you want!! ;)

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

mmmmm caaaaakkkkke,<said in Homer Simpson’s voice>

Cruiser's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille Here you go!!

What are you doing later?? I’ll bring the scotch and cake you bring the fork and highball glass!!!

phil196662's avatar

Depends… One the Wife and I’s first date she had been working hard and bluntly asked for a backrub, so I gave her a glass of wine and after fifteen minutes she had fallen asleep across my lap! She stayed over and slept all night only wake me to reciprocate my efforts!

Sophief's avatar

Whenever you want to. 1 day, a week, 2 week, it doesn’t matter.

phil196662's avatar

And this is the way the Animal Kingdom works too often… @Dibley

life_after_2012's avatar

thats a tough one – if i had a daughter i would want her to wait til neverweary 32nd

plethora's avatar

How long does it take to get your clothes off?

LethalCupcake's avatar

@plethora HAH – yes….

bigboss's avatar

i actually like it when a girl waits a while with me. it shows some class, girls that give it up too soon are girls that i usually dont spend too much time with..sure the sex is fun but i wont be looking to DATE a girl that fucks me within 2 weeks. minimum is three weeks.

(not saying i wouldnt do it, i would deffinitly eff her little horny brains out, i just wouldnt take her serious.)

bigboss's avatar

guys, if she fucks you in a few days. then when she dumps you, shell fuck the next guy in a few days. DONT FALL FOR THEM! muahahaha

bean's avatar

@bigboss thank you! this is the sought of answer i was looking for…. I always ask questions when i’m majorly curious about something and when I feel the right answer comes along, something clicks for me, so yay! but D: but why would you still have sex with her a not take her seriously, thats just…. well…. i must yet find the word i’m looking for… why don’t you just not have sex with some one you find slutty?

bigboss's avatar

@bean becuase a nice invention called condoms. well becuase i have needs and satisfying those needs is also important to me. and let me change my phrasing, i would be a lot more reluctant to date a girl like that, im not saying i never would, becuase i also have to understand that some girls do have sex for other reasons like insecurities and the desire to feel wanted or needed.

- it all depends if there is something i really like about her.

bean's avatar

@bigboss I think it’s decency…. for both men or woman to just wait…. sex isn’t exactly a game or something you should do just for kicks…. or maybe i’m still just too young to understand all the other complications or why people just have one night stands…. but fact is, it’s suppose to be something special or between two people who have a loving relationship…. personally, I wouldn’t want to be with some one who thinks about sex so lightly or has sex with as many people as they can just because they want to be ‘satisfied’... just sounds like i’m going to be another point to them…. and I wouldn’t know if i was any different to some one who felt that way about something so intimate, like sex.
as you said…. you wouldn’t take them seriously…. why should it be any different for a guy…. I wouldn’t want them at all….

bigboss's avatar

@bean your completely right about that, and your mentality of sex being something special between two people that love each other is not young minded at all its mature. and im not saying im right or wrong by wanting to be satisfied im just telling you how I PERSONALLY feel on the subject. if im single and looking for a girl i can only hold out so much until i really really really want it. and if the girl comes along to give it to me so be it. i wont say no.

bean's avatar

@bigboss noooo! don’t go for the slut, hold out for a better woman!
I really don’t understand one night stands….. or this, i’ll take it if your giving it sought of thing…. I don’t want to be mature… I kind of want to be the one to just be carefree and have fun…. instead im like the lame book worm who’s majorly quiet and holding out for that ‘oh, so wonderful S.O’ to just come along….. but it’s not going to happen…. my ex boyfriend was just a using abusing jerk that i puppied over untill he decided to dump me….
some times i think i’ll go gay…. men say wonderful things to your face, you do every thing you can for them… and then they just leave….

bigboss's avatar

NO DONT GO GAAAAAAAYYY! we’re loosing to many good women becuase jerks dont know how to treat a lady. and whats wrong with being mature? sure a guy likes a wild girl from time to time but when he wants to settle down he’s going to want a girl he can bring home to mom and wont think she’s trashy. all those wild girls are just “fun” and the more mature ones are ones we grow to care for and even love.

bean's avatar

@bigboss…. it sucks, i have a while until anyone my age considers settling down, well I mean just having a serious relationship…. I already just want one guy in my life who really loves me, for real and in a few years, get married and have children…. how lame can I get…. and I can’t deal with these silly people every where I go, partying it up and doing nothing but going for the over confident polished slut… jeeze, I sound so hateful lol, I don’t hate people who party, personally, my friends are crazy party animals, I just don’t see the point in that type of fun…. and I don’t see any nice guys around…
it’s going to be pretty difficult to find a guy who’s being waiting for the right girl…. I don’t want a guy who’s had his fun and ready to come around… that just makes me feel weird

bigboss's avatar

@bean thats not lame and you dont have to wait. there are people out there your age that want the same thing that you do. i used to be one of them. well still am but i mean at that age, im asumming your still a teenager. and i also dont really like the party scene, my girlfriend is the party type, i dont really care about that but if i had a choice id rather just stay in and watch a movie or go out and try something new. clubbing only works for me when im in the mood and single.

bean's avatar

@bigboss i’m 19 if that helps with the whole ‘age group’ thing…. it sucks…. I just don’t want to care so much, I want to be one of those oblivious party crazed people… and clubbing, I never get that…. loud noise, the drinking and then what…. the unattainable violence and aggression that comes after… I love going out late and getting coffee and things like that and I always hear stupid guys trying to all be cool and making really unattractive comments… or listening to stupid teenagers going “oh, i totally made out with her… she’s so freaking hot, and I wanna feel up some one else now” ... and I’ve seen the bouncers…. everything is so aggressive…. bleh, it’s just stupid…. and I hate it…. theres nothing interesting, it’s degrading….. i don’t know…. ever since I was like 10 years old, I was always looking for answers, thinking as logical as I could, trying to understand everything…. not socializing… but thats what I enjoyed, but I don’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing

bigboss's avatar

@bean good thing, bad thing? who knows? it doesnt matter, what matters is that what you described, IS YOU. you shouldnt have to change it becuase its whats “normal,” 19 is a good age to be saying what your saying. im 23 and i have that same mentality and ive had that same mentality since as far as i can remember. there are plenty of “chill” people that dont like that atmosphere and are really looking for a girl to be able to love and take care of and be taken care of back. just becuase they dont announce to the world “oh i want marriage!” doesnt mean they are not looking for it or that kind of man doesnt exist.

bean's avatar

@bigboss lol, your right….
I totally hope i find that person!!!!!!! i mean, in the sense they’ll love me and I’ll love them… and hey! happy ending…. hopefully….

bigboss's avatar

ehhh, it’ll happen, dont rush it.

laureth's avatar

@bigboss – so, let me get this straight. A girl has sex with you after 13 days, and she’s a horny chick good for sex but not to take seriously, but if a girl has sex with you after 22 days, the relationship has matured to the point where it’s something solid to build on, one that you might pursue for a while, and definitely someone who has earned your respect.

Do you have a stopwatch for choices like this? Is there some line in the sand between day 13 and day 22 where something changes? Do you really learn so much more about a person in those nine days than you did in the 13 days previously?

bigboss's avatar

@laureth no, its not a DEFFINITE yes or no. just a choice im more INCLINED to make depending on how long she waits. the longer she waits the more respect i have. my current gf which im head over heels in love with didnt wait that long..about 2 weeks, and at first i thought it was just a fling becuase of it..later i grew to love her so dearly and still with her to this day.

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