One of my favorites is, “I’m not angry; I’m disappointed.” I call that the Andy of Mayberry Syndrome.
Then there is the non-apology: “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings.”
The use of the word “inappropriate” has become a standard in the passive/aggressive vocabulary. Its definition has become fluid enough to apply to any situation. Laughing in church used to be inappropriate. Scatological humor, as hilarious as it can be when done well, was inappropriate in most situations. Now anything and everything a P/A doesn’t like is inappropriate.
I think I could go another few lifetimes without hearing the phrase, “What kind of a message does that send to the children?” It’s easier to speak up in a saintly manner in the name of all children than to say, forthrightly, “That offends me.” (By the way, the word “children” is always pronounced “chood-run” when saying this.)
The only P/A behavior that really gets under my skin occurs at parties, when dull people pretend to be fascinating quiet people. They will mention their “dry” senses of humor, and how their “still waters run deep.” Then they sit like statues and make others bust their chops to make conversation. When the kinder, more socially adept people are finally exhausted and bored beyond belief, the P/A person invariably totes out these two phrases: “I’m a better listener than I am a talker,” and, “You certainly have the gift of gab!” (this with some almost subtle eye-rolling).
A friend of my calls these people “bench sitters.” Perfect.