Of all the advice of yours I have seen, I think that is the clearest advice about dealing with mental issues, @ninjacolin, that I have ever read. Or maybe it’s because I agree with it.
Whenever I feel like saying “I can’t,” I do try to pull myself back from that brink. Perhaps for that very reason. But there are many other thoughts involved with that thought. Mostly I think that “I can’t” is a way of letting myself off the hook, and I don’t want to let myself off the hook.
But can I sometimes, I wonder, let myself off the hook? It doesn’t mean I’m not going to try next time, or that I’m going to think I am incapable. It’s just that I’m really tired of beating myself up. It doesn’t help anything. And if I’m too tired this time, or even if, God forbid, I’m actually using it as an excuse to let myself go, so what? I mean, don’t I get a chance to fail sometimes? Don’t I get to be lazy sometimes? Can’t I get a rest sometimes?
I’m so fucking hard on myself just about all the time. You should feel my back muscles. I don’t think they’ve been relaxed in two decades. It’s not like I’m not trying. If I whine or moan about the pain—surely someone can listen? If I want some pity, surely I can get some sometimes without people getting tired of my shit?
If I can’t control myself this time, so what? So fucking what? I get to take advantage of people’s sympathies sometimes. I don’t do it all the time. And I need support. Or I want support. I’m not manipulating you into giving it to me. It’s your choice. But believe me, I am grateful to those who do support me, even if I am out of control. Especially when I am out of control!