@jjmah – I was being a smart ass. You’re funny, though.
In all seriousness, I have been there. My habit had been to retreat into my own world, ignore my partner when I’m asked to engage in conversation, and snipe in a grouchy manner when feeling pressured. After several episodes of hurt feelings, arguments, and lengthy processing conversations, I have learned that my first responsibility is to respond respectfully – even if it is to say kindly that I am not able to respond and need space.
I’ve learned it is important to not shut out my partner when I’m going through something.
In my relationship with my partner, there is lots of room to figure out how to be and deal with personal stuff. I’ve never been punished or given an ultimatum for the times I’ve been unavailable emotionally, etc. And the process of allowing things to unfold over time has made me feel more confident and comfortable with dealing with my stuff while in a partnered relationship.
My family of origin has many dysfunctional issues, so my energy is easily zapped. Over the past several months I’ve learned when to shut the noise off, walk away from those issues, and make my home my functional family. The dysfunction will always be available when I choose to engage with it. Taking care of myself must come first – and this includes not shutting out my partner.