General Question

ModernEpicurian's avatar

What should I do? (Relationship advice needed!)

Asked by ModernEpicurian (1638points) March 9th, 2010
37 responses
“Great Question” (4points)

I live with my girlfriend at University. Bad move already, I know.

We split up for a bit at the start of this academic year, in which time she bought many men back to her room (I could hear EVERYTHING shudders) and she went through a few relationships. I eventually took her back. I couldn’t live with that going on next door and I was still in love with her.

We have now been together for about 6months since all of this. It’s been rocky, she’s lied to me many times and I’ve had threats from some of the men that she ‘dated’, but I’ve made it through.

Just a couple of weeks ago it transpired that one guy that she talks to every day (for hours at a time via the net) and that she had a ‘relationship with’ (his words not mine) wasn’t aware that me and her have been in a relationship. She maintains that she thought he knew. I fail to see how that is possible.

I’m becoming disillusioned and I am really unsure as to what I should do next. We haven’t got much longer left at University. I love her, but how can I trust her after everything detailed here? I shudder to think how much stuff must have gone on that I don’t know about. It really does make me feel sick.

So, What do you Jellies think that I should do? Where should I turn?

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Answers

Vunessuh's avatar

She doesn’t respect you at all.
Dump her.

ZAGWRITER's avatar

You should turn to many, many women. And I agree with @Vunessuh 100 percent.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

You need to fire her.

jfos's avatar

Agreed. If you love her, that’s one thing. But it seems as though you don’t mean as much to her as she does to you.

ModernEpicurian's avatar

I can see where you are all coming from, I have often felt this, as though she uses me.
I worship the ground that she walks upon and get little back. But, then it’s a question of, how do I walk away? I really don’t know how to.

bhec10's avatar

You should turn away from her. Forget her, she doesn’t deserve you!

starshine's avatar

can her, if she felt the same way she wouldnt treat you like that.

josie's avatar

Relationships are supposed to fun and enriching, and a benefit to both parties. This one is a loser. If you can get out of the lease, do it. If you can’t, then find a buddy to move in with until the school year is over.

jfos's avatar

Do you, man. You have to have a healthy push/pull relationship. If you pull her towards you too much, she’s going to push you away. If you push her away some, perhaps she’ll pull you back.

Especially if you love her, this would be one way to make her realize your value.

ModernEpicurian's avatar

@jfos I’ve tried the whole push her away thing, all she does is let me float further away. It’s not fun.

jfos's avatar

Also, most straight girls are attracted to men, not to dependent, worshipping males.

ZAGWRITER's avatar

^See my above post. The best way to put a bad stop on your path behind you is to travel many, many miles. In this case, you are in college, so many, many women. She’s in college too, so in her mind she is probably thinking that it’s still too early in life to settle down. Which is fine, and if that is what you want however, you need to find a new stop. But don’t do it now. Many, many women is key.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

As I see it you have two choices, equally valid:

1. Quit school and become her cuckold / love slave / human toilet. (You’re obviously not learning much at school, and she could put you to better use as a footstool if you weren’t wasting so much time there.)

or

2. Dump her. Kick her to the curb today. Then ask us how to deal with the self-debasement you put yourself through for all of the time that you spent with her and her lying, cheating, abusive ways and “waited for” and “loved” her. It’s not love, Bud. It’s sickness. You need to get over it.

ninjacolin's avatar

you’ll get over everything in time.. like.. 2 years from now.
leave for the moment.

stump's avatar

It is time to move on and find someone that respects you.

MorenoMelissa1's avatar

You need to sit her down and explain to her that you deserve to be respected, she shouldn’t be brining in all those men that is unacceptable. Give her a wake up call.

ModernEpicurian's avatar

edited by me because I’m a moron

Siren's avatar

It sounds like your girlfriend is very attractive and finds it hard to give up all the attention she is getting. Whether she really loves you back is secondary to the fact that she enjoys all the attention. I think whether you leave university or not, you may always be plagued by this problem with her. I don’t think it’s a healthy relationship for you (your self-esteem especially) and I would move on. There are other pretty women out there who will value you and not have the need to be wanted by so many.

stardust's avatar

I think she’s being awfully disrespectful towards you. It also looks like she’s playing mind games. If I were you, I’d walk away. I do appreciate how difficult that may be, but you deserve to give yourself that much.

Cruiser's avatar

Get yourself some side action.

wundayatta's avatar

School is almost over. Use that as the way to separate. It’s wimpy, but it works. Go home afterwards (just temporarily). Find out where girlfriend moves, and go somewhere else.

But don’t live together again. You may love her, but she doesn’t love you. She’ll never love you—not without a lot of therapy. I know how hard it is, but you’ve got to be the one who separates if she won’t be. Prepare for it, and do it!

partyparty's avatar

Get rid of her as soon as possible. She doesn’t respect you at all. Sorry.

faye's avatar

Agree with the getting rid of her. Maybe you are in love with the idea of being in love. I see nothing in your description of her to love.

marinelife's avatar

You reaaly must break up with her and move out! She is cheating on you (with impunity) on an ongoing basis. You love the idea of her not her actions. Just keep reminding yourself of what she has done and is doing whenever you have a pang.

richardhenry's avatar

She doesn’t respect you. I think you should move on. Good luck.

Kiss_a_Fat_Babys_Ass's avatar

you need to tap as much collegiate ass as you can,while you are there.She obviously knows this already.After College is over,then you can review your options.

ZAGWRITER's avatar

On a side note, a person with “ass” in their name had the word “ass” in one of their first posts. Priceless.

thriftymaid's avatar

You know what you need to do already. It’s time to say goodbye to her.

Violet's avatar

She sounds like an immature and promiscuous. And like @Vunessuh said, “She doesn’t respect you at all. Dump her.”

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I have to wonder if you’re more in love with the idea of her than with her. You have two different ideas of relationship models, and hers doesn’t work for you.

broncosgirl's avatar

It sounds to me like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. However, you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Like most people on this post, I would agree that you should move on. It’s hard to be in love with someone and not understand why they don’t behave the same way, but you CAN have someone who will love you and respect you. Don’t lower you standards. You deserve someone who will give you exactly what you deserve, and don’t settle for anything less. She sounds young and immature…take the time to think about what you really want. If she’s not giving you that, then leave. It will be hard, but do what is best for yourself and not what is the easiest.

phillis's avatar

I could prop your eyes open with toothpicks and flush them with bleach for at least 15 minutes, if it would help you see the situation for what it is. It would hurt less than what you are doing to yourself.
Here’s your second choice….....

Go look at yourself in the mirror. Stand there for a few minutes. Then ask the person in the reflection this question: Is this who you wanted to be when you grew up?

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@ModernEpicurian, @phillis answered your question to me (from earlier today) as well as I could have. (Where the hell have you been, girl?) If you want to know “how do I change my mind about her?” then you need to change your mind about yourself, first: “Do I deserve this kind of treatment?”

When you decide that you don’t, then the rest can follow.

Violet's avatar

opps, I either meant to say” She sounds like an immature and promiscuous person
or She sounds like an immature and promiscuous.

phillis's avatar

Violet, enough with the mistakes. One more incident out of you, and I’m calling the proofreading police.

Violet's avatar

@phillis ah ha ha!! You made me laugh : )

CsC's avatar

I know how it feels when your in love, you know what you should do (dump her) but you still feel the attraction, and you constantly wish things would just fix themselves, but there is no such thing as magic in this world, so go with your gut, and hope for the best.

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