im open with the people i chose to be open with.
in my teens i was not open with people at all, i was arrogant and i thought i knew everything, i was completely full of shit and lived in my own little fantasy world in my head, furthermore i was in denial of these things. its really hard to be open and honest with people when you are not even honest and open with your self. deep down i knew i was full of it, and was constantly trying to suppress my own self loathing and fool my self that i was the bees knees. i remind my self of rimmer from the show red dwarf when i look back on how i was, a neurotic narcissist.
now that i am older and more matured i can be very honest and open, and see my self more as a normal person. i finally like who i am, i guess i found my self. however it still takes me quite some effort to decide im going to be honest and open with a person, its mainly a defensive thing i think.
i also think that the reason i get so angry and frustrated when people dont believe me or trust me is because of my younger years, im now aware that im being honest and open because i have to consciously choose to be so, and i think thats what gets to me when im not believed, it kind of makes my honesty feel like a waste of time, and always makes me question if i should just go back to manipulating and tricking people.