Regardless of the reason why we enter into parenthood I join with lillycoyote in hoping a potential parent focuses their energy on the dynamics of parenting. From my perspective, that means, at the least, being centered and sure about who one is and what their purpose for being is.
When I think of selfishness I think of a purposeful intention to put my needs above another’s. As has been said, this is not necessarily an intention that can be labeled right or wrong.
Yet, it is hard for me to believe that even when intentions appear to be selfless, ‘putting another’s needs/desires above one’s own’, it is anything but self-serving, even though it might not be apparent. I think I would say every choice to have a child is self-serving (okay, I think every choice one makes is. Of course, I can’t say this for everybody, but I am enticed too)
For example, our children came to us under the circumstances of their first adoptive mom (and my best friend) dying and at a time when my partner and I did not have a desire for children. To not make these children our own would have meant not honoring the sorts of people we want to be.
We were serving our sense of self, which meant (for us) putting our desires before the needs of our children, yet it was still self-serving. That is why I think it is always important to be developing and questioning ourselves, I want to be serving an honorable self, particularly when it comes to parenting.