In my family, the children distributed themselves all over the world. We only come back on special holidays or for a summer vacation they usually pay for. Even that is getting a little too tense for some of us.
No one ever said anything. We just left. I don’t know if my parents ever think about why we live so far away. Maybe we’re just a modern professional class family that goes where the jobs are. But none of us do a job we couldn’t do closer to our parents.
Anyway, if they understand we’ve spread out because we are uncomfortable with them (and I’m not sure if my siblings even understand this themselves), they have never said anything about it. In fact, except for me, they are proud of my sibling’s accomplishments. The only thing I ever did was “give them” grandchildren. Not that I gave them my children. They hardly get to see them, either, especially after how they treat my son.
So, do I have a point? I had one when I started. Let me think.
I guess what I’m saying is that there are many things you can do to establish distance from your parents so you can do your own thing. One way is to use physical distance. Another is to bite the bullet and have the talk and risk the blow-up and bad feelings. Another way, I suppose, is to just do your own thing and never talk about it. Maybe always putting you father off. “Dad, I’d like to join you, but I want to get this done first.” Then it’s another thing and another, and eventually he’ll get the idea or give up trying.
From his perspective, it’s probably something he’s been imagining since you were born. To raise someone in your own mold and then to work with them. In his imagination you are probably a little him who will always agree with him. You’ll think alike. In any case, it’s father and son, and that seems like a special thing. I don’t know if he would easily get over this fantasy, especially since he may have been living with it for a long time.
All you can do is try. I don’t think any one option is better than any other. Good luck.