@ducky_dnl – I thought this once, too. Hence why I was off it for ten years. When I was 19, I was on a weird combo of meds that included anti-psychotic drugs. It made me feel really horrible! After taking myself off meds (without doctor supervision), I spent the next ten years thinking I had “it” under control while my life was chaotic. With the support of friends, I sought psychiatric care again and went on a different combo of drugs. It worked well, but I became stubborn about taking my meds on a regular basis (because I thought I was better than the meds, etc.). Two years after taking myself off meds a second time, and a series of hard-learned lessons, I am back on meds because I realized it simply isn’t worth not being on meds.
If you have a doctor willing to spend more than 5 minutes with you, and if you decide to explore the process of finding the right med combo that works for you, then there is no reason why medication will take your life away.
I’m an artsy fartsy type of person who loves to think, feel, dream, imagine, etc. etc. Taking the med combo that works for me on a regular basis helps me to focus on life—on the things making my rainbow colorful. Not taking meds actually prevents me from enjoying my colorful rainbow.
I know it is incredibly scary to take meds, especially if they seem to take away from your personality, pleasures, etc. It’s just from experience I have learned to work through my fears and make self-care my priority. Not taking medication simply isn’t a part of my self-care.