Martyrs don’t inflict abuse on others, Litigants do. Martyrs hold on to their pain as a source of comfort. It helps define their identity. Martyrs, like yourself, are claiming themselves as victim. This admonishes them from taking responsibility for their own actions, decisions, and behavioral traits. Martyrs say “It’s not my fault. I am a victim.” And by saying that, they intend to justify holding on to their fear, anger, jealousy, spite, whatever their pain is.
Martyrs find great comfort in this. So much so that it’s hard to release. In effect, if your relationship goes bad, it will be a self fulfilling prophesy, and one that you can feel justified in proclaiming your Martyrdom further as a helpless victim of societal and cultural evils. It’s no different than an alcoholic being afraid of leaving the bottle, or an addict afraid of dropping the pipe. The fear of what would happen prevents life from being lived, and so, the deception owns you.
The fear comes in two forms. The obvious is a fear of losing what you have (losing your perceived comfort). The not so obvious fear, is the fear of failing in life if you do lose your perceived comfort. For the moment one releases themselves from Martyrdom, they cannot claim themselves as victim any longer. They must stand and face the world upon the merit of the choices they make in life. It’s much safer to hide behind the stanchion of Victim, than it is to accept the possibility of making a mistake by their own hand.