”I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.”
”…and I’ll tell why I can’t put up with you people – because you’re bastard people! That’s what you are! You’re just bastard people, and I’m goin’ home, and I’m gonna, I’m gonna bite my pillow is what I’m gonna do!”
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know!”
”How do?? Welcome to my shop! Let me cut your mop! Let me shave your crop… daintily! Daintily! Hey, you!! Don’t look so perplexed. Why must you be vexed? Can’t you see you’re next?”