Some of you here who’ve followed many of my questions in Fluther would perhaps already know that my passion has always been music. There’s not a single day (even probably hour) that goes by without my head constantly think (& imagining) new musical ideas. And not only that, but also some professional music industry people, locally & overseas, as well as people here who’ve seen & heard my music all already told me that i have this ‘unusual rare’ talent in music, being that i can compose, songwrite, and arrange many types of music, including symphony, jazz, and even some ‘out-of-this-world’ kind of music.

Now some short story of mine: ever since I’ve graduated from U.S in 2003 (in a wrong major that I have almost zero interest, just because I was still too naive back then & just follow what my dad & uncle told me. My major was in Business Finance & Management), I’ve come back to my home country (Indonesia), and straight away worked in the family-business for about 7 years now.
During those times, in the free time I managed to pursue my passion in music by forming band, but unfortunately, it kept failing several times (now that I’ve learned a lot, I do think that it’s mostly because I still very lacking experience back then & just simply didn’t know what to do, not to mention the members were all not too good in their skill playings etc).

The problem is this: my ‘free-spirited’, musical, creative & people-oriented personality is soo dominating, that as time passed by, I unfortuately grew more dislike toward my family-business, and last year I even went to a psychiatrist alone,...still without solving anything.
There were also some heavy regrets,..that I’ve “wasted” so much time by not being firm & bold telling my parents (especially my dad) that I wanted to try out new things 1st, all before I’ve decided to sit & run/manage the family-business!
I’ve always thought of going to China to study mandarin,
I’ve even thought of following few of my friends’ stories/path to go to Japan, or U.K, to try to make a “break through” or career in music.
However, I didn’t do ALL of them, simply because I’m a coward who’s very scared to be bold & taking risks, & confronting my parents about what I really want to do/try in life. Because I thought I don’t want to hurt their feelings by being ‘selfish’, ‘naive kid’ etc.
It’s only very recently (after all these 7 years), that my parents seem to start paying attention to my ever-burning music passion, yet I can sense that my dad only wants me to work in the “BIG business” aspect of the music ‘industry’, such as to be the big music labels like SONY.
I always thought that that’s just so unrealistic, that he (my dad) only want to see the ‘big success’ side without wanting to see the small little steps that have to be taken to achieve that!
And besides, my talent & passion is in the MUSIC aspect, not the business aspect.
A lot of people have told me I make very good, touching, & unique music. I also seem to be very good in teaching & being patient working with people,..but all my dad wants is for me to be the 180-degrees opposite of me: to become a succesful businessman, with a BIG money.
I can somewhat understand when he said that “everything in this life needs money! from cars, house, etc” (we’re a medium-well type of family in terms of wealth).

So I am very torn now.
What should I really be doing?
Should I pursue my music dreams, or should I continue putting my ‘mask’ & continue running the family business (in which everybody already know I have zero passion in it, and hence, is being “lazy” and doing all things “half-efforts”) ?
I have a strong, solid vision to write, and collaborate with musicians overseas (I write english lyrics), and try post ‘em in Myspace, Youtube, iTunes etc, in hoping there’ll be music producers overseas who’s interested in me & my music.
While if I were to stay in this family-business for another 2, 3, or i-don’t-know-how-many-years, EVERYBODY including my dad already know that I “don’t go anywhere or not progressing at all!”

But the only thing that I’m still very confused is: who’ll continue the family-business then? I have two little brothers, but they’re also interested in other things than running the family-business.
While my uncle & cousin in the business actually have talked/suggested for my father to sell his share of the business, so he can get the money, to perhaps finance other businesses, or even to help me in pursuing my music dreams.

What should I do?
I am almost 28 yrs old now, and I really hate the fact that I can get really depressed these days, confused, and not making any progress in music, because of all these overwhelming thoughts!
I hate to always burdening my parents in financial needs, yet on another side, I can’t hide that I am also scared/unsure of my future in music, ie: “can I make it?...no matter how much I BELIEVE in my talent & music vision,..what if ALL things are against me?? and hence, I’ll FAIL miserably, and be the laughing stock??”
yet, I am now ‘stuck’ and hate myself for being such a loser with so many regrets.

Please help giving some sound advices & enlightment!
thank you.

Topics: life, business, dreams, music, money, musicians, passion, goal, songwriter, family business