shaggy shag shag… I guess I find sex boring :(

…After that, he sat down beside her, the warmth of her soft, feminine curves radiating from beneath her thin, wispy sun dress. He could see the smooth outline of her thighs beneath the cotton which had been thinned by the light of the sun. Her raven black hair lay in delicate locks on the pale skin of her exposed shoulders. He looked deeply into her brilliant green eyes. She blushed, and parted her lips in anticipation. Then, he reached out his hand, and leaning forward he said….

I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK

Okay…I wanna do Bulwer Lytton erotica humor…..

It was a dark and stormy night.

Her lips pressed up against the boiled egg and gently sucked the salty moisture.
Watching the girls tongue swirling around the yolk left Fernando feeling faint.
His enormous erection rose in the silvery light of the TV like a dinosaur towering over a mushroom.
That egg, those lips…..
Fernando drew a deep breath and leaned towards Sylvia, taking the egg from her mouth and mashing it to her breast as their embrace quickened.

Bravo @coloma! I am speechless, but bravo!

lol…i love humorous insane writing! hahaha

We don’t know each other well enough.

Oh..but I can stand and deliver! hahahaha

Her lips quivering with excitement, she leaned forward and ate the contents of the cup. (I think you know how the rest of this story goes)

Was it a soft boiled egg in a cup?

Breakfast of champions?

…things were getting really fired up now. Alejandro was shivering with anticipation, Carlotta was masterfully planning her moves. One more strike and Alejandro would be finished.

Alejandro could feel it coming, when Carlotta moved her hand he bit down hard on his lip. Just a few more seconds…
Three…two…one…

“B 9.”

“GOD DAMN IT, YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP.”

UNF UNF UNF

It was a good battle and Carlotta and Alejandro decided to give their friends Fernando and Sylvia a call.

Perhaps a midnight brunch might be fun, Carlotta smiled as she thought of Fernando’s fondness of eggs.

Oh what eggs did to that man!

Carlotta looked at Alejandro, spent in front of his battleship holding his candy cane.

Alejandro’s candy cane could never compare with Fernando’s egg, but this was a secret Carlotta would never reveal.

That brief moment last spring at the community easter egg hunt when she couldn’t resist Fernando’s passion, his basket bulging with treasures he would soon expose in the deep grass hidden behind the backdrop of the three legged blindfold race.

He opened the door to the room. He was unbelievable, this man. There were flowers everywhere, and in the middle of the room—a huge, canopied, four-poster bed. “Close your eyes,” he said. Obediently, she did so. “Give me your hand.” The warmth of his hand sent a thrill up her arm, right to the center of her body. He was leading her into the room. She could smell light scents that seemed to fill her heart with fire. “Sit here.” She felt a soft chair beneath her. When she sat back, his gentle fingers began untying her ties and unstaying her stays and unbuttoning her buttons. With each fastening that came undone, her passion for this man she had not seen in far too long grew, and the warmth between her legs became more and more slippery. She could hardly stand his deliberateness, and yet she knew she would be more than well rewarded if she waited.

AND THEN THEY HAD SEX!1!!!!!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard great answer.

Okay, so once I did this thing where I had to take a pair of characters from a book/movie/TV show/whatever and write fifty one-sentence stories about them. (You can imagine there was quite a bit of grammar mangling.) This was the one for the prompt “Name”:

She looked pleased at the invitation to informality, no matter how slight, when he told her one day, “You can call me James, if you like,” and she still didn’t use it for quite some time but when she finally did it was in the form of a low moan ghosting the single syllable past his ear, accompanied by the upward arch of her body against his and her fingers digging into his back, undoing him completely and making him moan along with her.

This is a true story.

Finally, a stolen moment alone. In a rush, they pulled each other’s clothes off, flinging them across the bedroom. In a tangle of arms, legs, lips, heavy breathing and pounding hearts, they collapsed on the bed. She whispered, “Please hurry…” He responded passionately, “I am, I am!” Just as their quivering bodies began to merge into one flaming pyre of passion, the sound they had been dreading reached their horrified ears. Hurriedly, they sprang from the bed and fumbled in the darkness for their clothing, all the while listening to the fearful noises growing louder and louder.

Finally, with her pajamas on backwards, she made a mad dash across the room to silence the baby monitor. He groaned and said, “I swear to God, that kid is psychic. I am never going to get laid again.” His eyes followed her wistfully as she ran from the room and he thought, “Shit, I guess we can try again tomorrow night.”

@Coloma “Okay…I wanna do Bulwer Lytton erotica humor…..It was a dark and stormy night.”

Very good! Ok you do the Bulwer Lytton…I wanna do the Dark and Stormy Knight!
LOL

This is it. It is finally happening.

Her lips are so soft. The feeling of her breasts pressing into mine elicits a moan; from whom, I do not know.

Eh…I’m bored now.

Cynthia Nixon, Jennifer Garner and Adriana Lima were all on a deserted tropical island in the middle of French Polynesia…..

<<slams head on desk again>>

Like a good Victorian woman, Elizabeth obeyed her husband when he told her he had made a doctor’s appointment for her. On the appointed day, she put on her best outfit, laced up her boots and grabbed her parasol and walked with her husband to the doctor’s.

When she arrived, the doctor told her husband to wait in the anteroom. Elizabeth went into the examining room, where the doctor told her to remove her petticoat and dress. Elizabeth was nervous now, and sat on the table, wondering what was next. The doctor told her to recline, and he spread her legs very wide open. He got the leather straps and strapped her thighs to the stirrups. Elizabeth was very nervous now. She felt the warmth of the fireplace on her thighs, and she heard the doctor pull up a stool to the foot of the table. She could feel the doctor probing the soft lips of her wet vagina with his cold fingers. She tensed up. The doctor told her to relax. She forced herself to relax but she was very nervous now. She saw the doctor go to the counter and retrieve a jar of oil. He came back to between her legs and she looked up to see him dip his finger into the jar of oil. She could feel his finger pushing on her tight anus as she tightened up further. She could not resist his slippery, oily finger as it pushed into her tightness, causing her to moan in pleasure.

….....how’s that?.....

@MagicalMystery, oh snap!

Bravo (and scary) @MissAusten !

If I was not already snipped I would think about getting snipped.

love the Q
She didn’t want to admit it but thinking of meeting him in the alley tonight made her skin flush with desire – “Maybe he won’t come”, she thought but unable to keep herself home, she found him standing there, in the shadows, slowly smoking a cigarette – tired, serious…irresistible…Standing across from him, she grabbed his dick through his jeans and said “You might want to put that out” and he did…He grabbed her wrist and twisted her around, slamming her against the opposite wall…“I wouldn’t order me around if I were you” he whispered into her neck, hair, ear…“Fuck off” she spat back wiggling from his grip and finding his lips, tongue, sweat…the night was warm, fucking right here and now was never a bad idea.

Wow. That was…

….intense @Simone_De_Beauvoir!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard :)~

It was the kind of dark and stormy night that drove Beatrice to bed, and when the lightning started and the electricity suddenly cut off, she smiled imagining the many battery powered devices lying in the bedside table’s drawer like serpents ready to erect their necks, licking the air with their tongues. As the darkness robed her like a deep, creeping blindness, she slid her hand into the drawer to draw out a surprise, feeling her pulse quicken like a puppy’s panting when it sleeps on a warm lap. She instantly recognized the shape of a C and smiled like the Mona Lisa with her hands below the frame.

Oh I’m good.

lick ;)

Clawing at Lucias shimmering gown Eduardo let the cigar fall from his lips
where it landed he cared not, for nothing could burn hotter than his passion

Luscious mad heaving like hot summer rain
sweet rosy breasts leaping forth from the confines of their silken cell
Lucia groped the fabic of Eduardos trousers freeing his turgid mast from it’s tangled sails

His purple ship of lust rose like a serpent poised above her frothy sea of love

Just then the enormous black puppy rose to it’s feet and licked Lucias bare behind

It made her blood boil.

Elliot enters his suite, his tailored suit still crisp though the day was long. He goes to the bathroom to draw a bath, as the water starts to suds up he moves back the bedroom. He draws the drapes slightly thinking, “Man look at this view? There is none better in all of Spain.” He slips out of his $400 designer shoes and places his Cartier watch on the night table. About the time, he whips off his silk shirt there is a knock at the door. He pusses the shirt back on but not buttoned. He goes to his jacket, slips his pistol out with suppressor still attached, and goes to the door. He peeks out of the poop hole to see the face of a stunning redhead. He opens the door with the pistol hidden behind his back. “Can I help you?” he asks her.
The woman replies, “You forget I was coming?”
Elliot looks puzzled. The woman says to him, “This is room 324 is it not?”
Elliot responded, “T-t-that is one floor up” while still captivated by her.
She mused, “Well that is a shame” and opened her floor length fur to reveal she had not a thread of clothes on. Elliot’s eye opened wider. Her body was flawless, like carved from stone of the many statues around Cordoba.
Elliot tells her, “I think I heard whoever upstairs leave; in fact I am sure of it. You should step in, considering your condition.”
The woman replies, “Will I be safe?”
Elliot responds with more confidence, “Oh yeah…….you will be very safe”.
He lets her into the room and offers her a drink. “Make yourself at home I will be just a moment. She goes to the bed and he stashes the pistol under the sink in the kitchenette. He goes to the wet bar and deftly slams two drinks together. He glides back into the bedroom to see her gone. “In here handsome”, she calls from the bathroom. Elliot peeks in to see the fur hanging and her in his bubbles.
“Well, going to bring me that drink? I hope you don’t mind me using your bath, it was almost full anyhow.”
“No……go right ahead.”, responded Elliot. As he approached her with the drink she takes it and grabs his wrist. “I can really use some help washing, my back and…….other….places….”
Elliot quickly enters the bath with her after shedding his clothes. The next hour’s time was spent with him nibbling places on her only her OB has seen. She touched parts of his body in way no woman has ever touched them before. The action continued to the bed where he drank of her nectar and she milked him for every inch of his man-milk. She swirled her tongue about his rock hard dumbstick and lapped at it greedily like a kid over a rocket pop on a hot day. When he parted her wet lips he nearly passed out how soft and wet it was. As he started to piston her in the doggie position, he had to restrain himself from blasting his hot spunk deep in her honey cave. He rode her hard and put her away wet. In a sweaty heap, they fell exhausted atop the satin sheets.
The next morning Elliot woke to rustling in the room, the redhead was getting dressed in a pair of booty short and one of his shirts. To the puzzled look on Elliot’s face she said, “The shorts were in my pocket, but I have to go now.”
Elliot discovers his hands cuffed to the headboard, “Bloody hell! What is going on here? The woman said, “It was fun but I have what I came after.” Showing him the Halliburton, he entered the room with last night.
Elliot bellowed, “You are going to leave me here?”
She tossed him a jar of Vaseline, “I am not cruel woman, entertain yourself. You be nice, play with yourself quietly, and shoot your gun I will not have to shoot you with mine” showing him a chrome Beretta Cougar 8040 mini. “Unlike you, I have no suppressor.” Elliot’s eyes darted in the direction of the kitchenette. “Mine will make a bigger pop than your dick and I will have to run in these heels; I won’t be happy”. With that she threw on her fur, walked to the door and hung the do not disturb sign on the door and dashed for the elevator.