@anartist I spend time every night thinking about my mom. I don’t cry anymore. I smile a lot when I think of her. I can honestly say I don’t miss her anymore. All I have to do is visualize her and then I can conjure up the smell of her ( you know how everybody has a certain scent) and she is with me.
My father is also a sad story, but I manage to get past that as well. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and my daughter was getting married. She was having a very large church wedding. My sister came to town and was staying at my parents house, so she could attend the wedding. The morning of the wedding my sister could not wake up my father. She called 911 and they took him to the hospital. I was busy with my daughter and had no idea what was happening. My sister brought my mother to the church and then left. She said dad back was worse and they took him to the hospital, so he won’t be able to attend the wedding. Well into the evening at the reception, one of my sisters came up to me and told me that Dad was in intensive care with pneumonia, and that we needed to go to the hospital right now. We did not tell my daughter, as she was her grandpa’s favorite granddaughter. Off we went to the hospital, a bit worse for the wear. Too much to drink at the reception. We arrived at the ICU and my older sister was coming out. She had a history of over exaggerating, so when she said I had better get in there before it is too late. I remember telling the nurse that was standing there “She always over exaggerates” I didn’t think it was that serious, because they got him to the hospital right away. And people don’t die of pneumonia these days with all the medications. I went in with my mother to see him, he was comatose and hooked up to just about everything they could find to hook him to. In my intoxicated state, I told mom he will be okay, they will take good care of him. But, he died on my daughters wedding day. I went into a panic state of mind. I remember asking the nurse if he is really gone and if he was, is he in heaven now? I didn’t know what I was doing or saying. My father didn’t take care of himself very well. He smoked all day and all night. He drank a little too much, and ate all the wrong food. I remember asking him one time if he wanted to live long enough to see his grandchildren. He seemed indifferent about that and said I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. My father was the best father a child could have, because he was a child too, only older. He love to play with all of us, and we loved playing with him. In reality my mother had 4 daughters and 1 big son. So somehow my regret was easier to work past. But, not all is bad, because 22 years later, my daughter only brother (my son) had his one and only baby boy on the very same date my dad died. So now my daughter has my fathers obituary and the birth announcement in her wedding photo book. Somehow things work out the way they are suppose to in the end.