I am currently in this situation kind of. Not a lot of fighting but slowly noticing more and more things I don’t like and I’m not happy. I’m leaving soon, but it should’ve happened a long time ago, I know that now.
Its taken me awhile to figure out what my problem was but I know a lot of it is from how I was raised, I didn’t have a mother growing up and an extremely emotionally abusive father who was an alcoholic.
Plain and simple its self esteem. I would like to think I’ve made leaps and bounds with my self esteem in the last few months but I won’t know for absolutely sure until I’m out of this relationship and interacting the same way with everyone.
What I mean is, for the first time I’m allowing myself to get upset at the person I’ve been with. I’ve been standing up for myself even when they try to convince me its my fault. But the real test is if I keep this up in other settings as well: at work, school etc.
Growing up when I’d try to talk to my parent in a nice and polite way about issues I was having I’d either get screamed at or blamed. Even when the adult was obviously in the wrong. I grew up with family that could never ever admit when they were wrong and as a result they would gaslight me. I was young, confused, and couldn’t find any reason for why they would act this way other than there must be something wrong with what I’m doing. Because I knew I had to admit when I was wrong, i couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that others wouldn’t do the same. As a result when I grew up I dated the same kind of abusive people.
Its only been through meeting a friend whose been the most honest with me that I’ve been able to learn from whats happening. When my partner pulls an asshole move and acts like its totally normal, my friend steps in and tells me “hun, this isn’t right”. Its been a godsend because even in high school I’d ask my friends for advice on a guys behavior and like they weren’t even listening they’d just say he was a great guy.