When I notice that I seem to be experiencing stronger emotions over a situation or relationship than makes sense, I stop and try and identify the assumptions under which I am operating. Often, I may have beliefs or expectations that are not really warranted that are leading be to these overly extreme emotional responses. Once I have identified the unwarranted or irrational beliefs or attitudes, I can usually think more clearly, make better decisions and use my emotions that are more reasonable to guide me.
It’s tough to challenge your own thinking. It’s easier to just stick with strongly felt emotions even when they make little sense in light of the available facts.
Failing to challenge the basis for your feelings can get you or keep you “stuck” in unhealthy patterns of behaviour and emotions. Learning to recognize that there is a problem takes practice but once you know, you can reevaluate your assumptions and drop those that are inaccurate or distorted.
Once you sharpen and focus your thinking, your behaviour and feelings will make more sense and they will help avoid previous pitfalls and mistakes.
We are not normally taught to do this. We tend to look for reasons to continue to believe what we think is true. We often filter out evidence that we are wrong.
When we are hurting from extreme feelings and we feel that the world seems to be undermining us and blocking us from what we want, that is the time to identify our beliefs and assumptions and then rigorously test out whether they are consistent with the available facts.
That is how I protect myself from feelings that grind me down or make me want to do things I known don’t really make much sense.