My feeling is that I want to give people attention and it makes me sad when others say nasty things about them for calling for attention, however indirectly. This comes from my experience of needing attention, yet not knowing how to ask for it. The problem for me is that if I ask for attention and people provide it, then it doesn’t mean anything to me. They didn’t really want to give me attention, they just did it because I asked directly. I’ve spent my life asking people for things professionally, and I know a lot of people will give you what you want just to get rid of you.
So, if attention you ask for is meaningless, then how can you ask for attention? I think that these indirect ways are useful. There are times when I wanted to know if I counted to anyone. I felt like I was worse than useless. I felt I had no point. Yet I wanted desperately to have one person tell me, in a way I could believe, that I did matter to them. This is a kind of psychological bind that I think most people who “seek attention” indirectly are in. I don’t think they are manipulating people in a mean way. I think they are doing the only thing they can think of.
Of course the best attention is that which is unsolicited. When someone, out of the blue, completely unexpectedly contacts you to tell you that something you did meant a lot to them. This kind of attention seems real to me. The other person didn’t have to do anything, but they chose to. That kind of attention, and I think this is really not an exaggeration, saved my life. It has certainly made my life a lot better, for it has really changed how I think about myself.
I feel a lot of sympathy for those who need attention because I’ve been there. I imagine they are in a lot of pain. Maybe I’m wrong. I think, though, that it is very harsh to dismiss those requests as some kind of manipulation that shouldn’t be rewarded. Maybe if there is a long history of it, but for the first time, and even the tenth time, I think people should be given the benefit of the doubt. I don’t like it one bit when people dismiss such things as manipulation when they don’t even know the person.