My BM did this. Before she dropped off the face of the earth, she’d call at least once a month. She never spoke to me, but she’d talk to her sister, my guardian.
Shortly after I turned 11, though, my guardian was completely fed up that her sister refused to speak to me. “She’s a kid! Your daughter! And you will talk to her!” Something like that. They fought over it for a few minutes. I got on the phone with her, exchanged a “Hello” and one pleasantry. That was too much for her, apparently. She asked to speak to my aunt, got herself off the phone and never called back again. Neither did she send any letters or cards. I got bupkis. Any letter I sent to her over the next few years came back with “Return to Sender” scribbled on it. So I stopped sending them. Hey, I don’t know what to think, even 30 years later.
For a long time, I was angry about it. I’d think, “I didn’t do anything to her! Why is she treating me like I’ve done something mean to her?” As I grew older, I considered it; maybe it was her then-husband behind this. Or that she still had problems with the circumstances of my conception and arrival. She’d never been very involved in my life, or very kind, even when I lived with her. Maybe she just had a slew of mental and emotional issues that I was and am not aware of.
I have come to learn from this experience that in situations like these, no matter what you’ve done or didn’t do, cutting someone off without warning isn’t about you, it’s about them and their ability to face up to talking about unpleasant issues and feelings with people. If someone has a problem with me, I would rather the person tell me what it is and give me a chance to look at the flaw and determine for myself if it’s possible to fix – or even worth fixing – and not just quit talking to me. I realize a lot of people won’t do this, though, and I’ve learned to live with that. I gave my aunt that chance when it came time for me to decide whether to continue our relationship, and when things didn’t change, I did what I told her I’d do.
As for quitting participation on websites like this, I’d tell at least one mod what was up so I wouldn’t leave people hanging, but that’s just me.