Again, I appreciate the thoughts from everybody. You can imagine the confusion is frustrating since I love the woman and want nothing more than to support her and be a good, understanding partner.
I am seeking counselling for it. She already is in counselling, which is what spurred the memory for her to begin with.
As of now, I simply tell her I love her and hold softly her as often as possible. I leave the rest out given I think it is mine, not hers, to own and process.
Again, it is helpful to give it a voice, and to have such thoughtful responses which help me sort through the dark voices and find the truthful ones.
I particulary appreciate stranger in a strangelands synapsis of the other thoughts coupled with his own insights and experience (particularly the dark alley one : ).
On another note, one person spoke to my culture and my observation about the “purity” concept. I speak to the Puritanical American Culture and the “go to bed a virgin, wake up a whore” message that seems to permiate so many of our unspoken messages. This is recently evidenced in the calendar for the Miss America contest where the women were all in lingerie versus demonstrated their true power as whole beings.
I did not state it in context of this question given that there is not relation, in my mind, between purity and the violent act of rape. In context of my other question, I merely raise the thought for discussion about the mixed message our culture sends about the normalcy vs. filth of sex, particularly regarding women. I would love thoughts on this, given I obviously am working through my perception of sexual relations. I will concede that I was raised Mormon, which I suspect plays a great deal into my confusion of sex as a normal part of growth versus the damaging concept of purity and chastity.