@aster and @stefanig I am not a mother, and I state it to begin with because I know it’s “easier said then done”, but I disagree with @Aster, about the toppic of punishment and of proffessional’s supporting punishment of most kinds:
The approach of child therapy, and child handling for that matter, has changed a lot in the past decade. Today, there is room for other understandings aswell:
It is understood, for once, that children always have a reason for behaving in a certain way. It is definitly not a reason that follows our adult reasoning, but it is one that follows their own. For example, he could be very angry with you for things that you are totally unaware of (“why don’t I have a father, why do you make me go to grandma when I don’t want to, why don’t you ever buy me the toys I want….and many things that would only occur in a child’s brain).
It is a delicate issue to understand exactly what is the problem that is causing it, but doing so will be the attentive thing to do, it will also open a clear communication channel between you and him, (yes! children of 9 have alot of smart things to say).
Punishments, on the other hand, can also send out a message of “you have no rights/ I don’t love you when you behave a certain way/ you are weak and I am strong” and many other wrong messages that children can again occur only in children’s brains. These sort of messages can also make the problem worse and even bring them to a no-return point.
Many therapists agree today on much more subtle approaches: relating to the child as an equal member of the family, trying to understand what went wrong that caused the behavior, understanding his true needs, working things out with a conversation to his level of understanding. These are not easy to do, one needs to learn the logic of a child’s thought, that is why I suggested a proffessional.
I know many addults who still feel the pain of the misunderstanding of their parents, and the punishments they recieved, probably you aswell, as I, as most people. Do you want that for your child? proabbly no.