Yep, 18 is one of those hard ages. I just had to learn to live with the fear – just like when she was an infant and I would wake up when her breathing changed, terrified of SIDS. Don’t know what to do about the tattoo – remind her she will be 40 someday, and what would she think of a 40-year-old with whatever she’s thinking of getting (she’ll probably say that would be cool, but maybe it will make her think about it, I don’t know – my daughter just dropped the idea when I didn’t go ballistic). Make sure she spends her own money on the shoes, and don’t give her extra to fill in for what her shoes keep her from paying for. Don’t have a joint checking account (from experience).
As far as the talking back issue, keep your cool. Don’t accept it – just end the conversation calmly and quickly. If you have to say something to do that, say something like, “well, we can finish this conversation later,” or “I think it’s time we get off the phone now,” or something. Eventually she’ll get that if she wants your attention she needs to be civil. And in spite of her words and actions, she does want your attention. You’re her mom, her stability in a world that is changing fast around her. Always tell her you love her, even when you’re mad at her.
My daughter was hard to talk to until she was about 23, then she started turning human again. She was good at pushing my buttons from the time she was 7, but the teen years were the worst. Now we usually have a good time together. She still sometimes discounts things I say just because it’s me saying them, but mostly it’s good. I was a single mom, too.
Hang in there – it will get better.