No, I have not, but I went skydiving twice knowing that I could die.

I have never wanted to seriously commit suicide, but I have been extremely depressed, and it is true when people say you have to seek help. I imagine it would be difficult to just decide to not be suicidal by yourself.

I’ve never actually attempted to pull the plug, but when I was about 14 I was so despondent I somehow knew that I wouldn’t make it to the ripe old age of 18. There was just no way. My self-image was so low and my depression so out of control I just couldn’t see myself surviving that long.

Luckily I met and fell in love with a wonderful girl when I was 15. We stayed together til I was 20–21, and I’m certain without her I would have shot myself or taken pills to end it all. Considering my state of mind, meeting her and learning to love myself was probably the best thing that ever happened to me, despite the eventual break up (which was by far the roughest thing I’ve ever experienced) five years later.

Yes. I went through a bad bout with depression in my early 20’s. I felt that my world had crumbled and at that time, felt helpless. I sobbed as I tried to cut my wrists, but, soon chickened out because it hurt so bad. I went and saw a counselor and everything turned out fine.

I have never tried on purpose…come close by accident though

I have tried it before. I don’t believe that there was one life-changing event that made me instantly happy to live but I know that it caused a lot of pain to those that loved me.

When I felt suicidal, it was from loneliness and an inability to connect with those around me. Isolating myself from friends and family enhanced these emotions and although there were people physically around me, I had nothing to really say to anyone. I thought no one would understand even if I tried to explain.

When I have thoughts of suicide, I try to remember what I put my family through in the past. Some people will disagree and say it’s not selfish and I would agree if I didn’t see the effects of my actions. As a result of my destructive behavior, my grandma seemed to age a lot. I caused her a lot of heartache and she was the one that took care of me when I was in the hospital and held my hand when I cried. My mom and stepdad’s marriage was never the same again because she held him partially responsible for my actions.

I think that some people that have thought about or attempted suicide before struggle with it their whole lives. I’d love to know if anyone has a “cure” for this type of behavior but I don’t think there is a cure. I’ve went through counseling and read several self-motivation books. The counseling didn’t really work for me because I was unwilling to open up to my therapist. I went because I was forced to go. The books seemed more effective because I read them on my own. .

You can learn to accept responsibility for your own actions and realize there are consequences even if you are there to see them or not.

Yes, I have. I hesitate to say I tried to take my own life more than once. I went through a deep state of depression for about 6 years. It was the bleakest point in my life. There were close calls. I never ever thought I’d feel alive again.
My life was bleak.
In nothing short of a miracle, I hit my rock bottom, had a revelation of sorts and I made the choice to start living again.
I’ve never experienced such intense depression since. I’ve been off medication for about 3 years now – I was told I’d be on it for life.
I’ve put a lot of work into myself and I’ve looked at the deep rooted issues that led to my suicidal behaviours. I’ll continue to explore myself for as long as I’m here.
I cherish the life I have today and I feel very blessed to be here – living, loving, feeling (both joy and pain)
If anything, I pray this gives hope to someone going through something similar. There is always hope, always!
Sometimes, we have to make a choice – do the things we don’t necessarily want to do in order to grow.

I’ve never had a serious suicidal thought in my life

I did when I was younger and going through a bout of serious depression.

The fact that I was “unsuccessful” was enough to convince me that I’m meant to be alive.

Yes, I have. Many years of therapy and medication really helped.

Only when I was on antidepressants as a kid was I ever suicidal. I thought I was going to be back on antidepressants starting today but my therapist is hesitant after hearing the “When I started taking pills as a child my grades improved, I worked better with other children, and I tried to shoot myself in the skull” story.

I certainly considered it several times and came very very close at one point. But I never attempted it.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard You definitely are!

I’ve never even thought about it in the abstract.

Thank you, @perspicacious

After a series of assaults and then bad behaviour on my employer’s part that cost me my job I fell into a deep depression. I reached out for help and was promised that anti-depressants would do the job. When they failed to I tried to kill myself. So started a tumble down the rabbit hole that would only end when I found an excellent psychiatrist who I began to slowly build trust with. I had multiple attempts through the early years of that struggle.

It is impossible to describe to anyone how desolate you feel when you are at the bottom. When you feel that your husband and children would be better off without you. Those feelings are not rational but rational doesn’t enter the picture.

Now, 12 years into that struggle I can honestly say how lucky I am to have survived that. I have wonderful children and a phenomenal husband. Through a LOT of help and assistance we managed to survive 9 years of hell. I can see joy in life again. I can see the joy in being a mother and a wife.

@tranquilsea Thanks for sharing with us. I wish for you peace.

I find myself slipping now. Not going to hurt myself. Just trying to figure out what truly matters.

yes I’ve tried to kill myself twice, but I (obviously) failed. both times.
and there was one more time, when I had made the plan for the perfect suicide, but then something happened, and I changed my mind :)
now I say that I want to live, but sometimes I don’t think I’m ever gonna survive, with all that shit going on in my head. I mean, I have a reason NOT to kill myself, but sometimes, I think it could be my reason to do it.

sometimes I get so disappointed, and angry with life. my life. nobody sees the world like I do, and I can’t even explain what I’m thinking. and when I say that I’m too sad, they look at me with that you’re-too-young-to-be-depressed face and then I’m even sadder. and I don’t know why.
but I still have a dream that’s alive, so I’m gonna try to believe in it, and don’t just give up. I can’t give up now. I don’t want to give up. I think I have to fight for my dream, before it’s too late

(but I can’t figure out, why I’m still waiting for the Happy Ending in the story)

@mYcHeMiCaLrOmAnCe You can’t live your life waiting for the happy ending. Please don’t ever give up on your dream. Spend your whole long life dreaming it, but don’t give it up. Don’t give up on yourself either. Good wishes for you.

@perspicacious Thank you. I have a hard won peace now.

Been there done that… Yeah I have. When I was a teenager, and now that I look back at it, I thought of suicide as young as elementary too.

Now that I’m in the present, I’m VERY GRATEFUL I survived…........ Things do get better, but when you are at that moment in pain, all seems lost and hopeless…..but it isn’t….....

@perspicacious thank you, and I’m gonna keep on dreaming, and keep on trying….

My life has changed immensely. 180 degree turn completely. I’m only 20 right now, and I am very happy to see where my life takes me, the ups and downs, I’ll take it all because life is a lot of a learning experience.

My worst times when I was 13–18…. complete HELL for me and my fam. I was really destructive, in my thoughts, my actions, my words, I drank, did drugs, was sexually promiscuous, and had a dark cloud over my life…..

You just get tired of being tired, tired of being depressed, and I got over it through the help of my art, good friends, and the will to go on and believe your life can change no matter how shitty it is.

I regret trying it because it makes your body feel like shit, and takes a toll on it, if you cut or overdose, but it made me appreciate life more….. so yeah

I agree, never give up.

@jjmah Just keep figuring things out :) People only die when they stop thinking. Well, at least I think that’s how it is. My therapist tells me I over-intellectualize my problems in unproductive ways as a coping mechanism. I agree with the coping part, but I tell him my production is just still in the investment stage.

Yes, I was ~11. I couldn’t take another minute in the situation I was living in and I had no clue how to escape it or how to stop a person from doing the many bad things they were doing to me. I didn’t think anyone would believe me if I told them what was happening and then I’d be in even worse straits.

I swallowed a fistful of prescription painkillers that belonged to someone else one day, lay down on the kitchen floor and waited to die. I just got horribly sick instead. After that I became ridiculously passive (which I am not by nature) and obedient to adults, blocked a lot from my memory just to keep going and kept telling myself, “I can leave at 18”, which I did. I only recalled after a couple of years in therapy why I tried to do this, and I finally let myself get angry.

I learned that the depression I went through adolescence with was anger that couldn’t find a safe outlet, so I turned it inward. To do otherwise would have meant much bigger problems that I wouldn’t have been capable of handling at the time.

Not intentionally. Did some pretty dangerous…some would say silly and flat out stupid stuff that most would characterize a suicidal that got me pretty close to doing just that. The closest I came besides the homemade bomb that almost severed my head clean off was the zip line 35 feet in the air I made out of hemp rope that snapped the first time I used it. Free falling 35 feet without a parachute is quite an experience to say the least so is hitting the ground flat on your back and so is seeing the 20 pound barn pulley that landed inches next to my head. That one hurt pretty bad.

I guess you could say almost killing yourself by just trying to have some fun is a life lesson you eventually learn to do things a little less carelessly, take a few more precautions.

I don’t understand how people can fail, if they really want to take their own life. Can someone explain it to me?

@Afos22 The human body is amazingly resilient and most who fail simply underestimate that resilience and not everyone owns a 12 gauge.

Anyone who is tempted, think about this: Many, if not most, younger people who try, fail. If the trial is too serious: self-inflicted gunshot, throat slitting, going out into the cold winter drugged up to freeze in the cold, jumping off something, smashing a car into something, drinking poison, etc., it can leave the would-be suicide alive and maimed, or with damaged organs, or a gork—human wreckage with no chance to return to normal society once the intense desire to die has passed. That should frighten anyone off.

@Afos22 older people are generally more successful than younger people. However, many older people are simply picking an alternative to a painful terminal disease.

I have never attempted, but came very close a number of times. The first time I remember wishing for death, I was only five years old and I was actively suicidal well into my 20s. Childhood abuse had a lot to do with it, I’m sure. Even after I was no longer suicidal, life was hard. It was a daily struggle, just to survive. After a lot of therapy and the right medications, life is so much better for me now. I am at peace, and that is a wonderful thing. I’m so glad I lived to experience it.

After my wife died I was about to take a one-way trip into the woods with a bottle and a pistol. Only the determined intervention of a close friend stopped me. Took about six months of medications before life looked worthwhile again.

It really wasn’t a failed attempt, since I was talked into delaying it for 30 days, and then another 30…until the meds kicked in fully. One doesn’t attempt suicide with a .44 magnum to the head; squeeze the trigger and it’s over.

My father did kill himself… for all of you who succeeded in not doing so, on behalf of your family and friends, (if I may be so bold) I thank you for still being here.

Ok I’ll spill it, in all fairness I must admit that I asked this question because of personal experience. I have attempted suicide a few times. Five. I have damaged myself in some way, each time. I have ceased to be suicidal, I take being happy to be alive as I awoke from a coma in a hospital bed, with the tubes, as proof. The other times I awoke I was furious. What a wrong thing that strikes at such a sensitive spot of humanity. I still feel I am doomed to a future of intense misery, but as for today, I’m functioning decently.

All lives are filled with intense misery. We all just have to smile and get though it. http://www.monologuearchive.com/s/shakespeare_001.html

@truecomedian I’m glad you’re alive.

I second @augustlan

Sure you are.

@reuecomedian No, really. No one is shining you on. You now have a chance to live and I for one hope things improve for you with this new chance.

@truecomedian You can never tell what the future holds. If I had taken my life last November, I wouldn’t be here to provide support to a lovely young lady suffering from severe psychological trauma. I’m not the brightest guy in the world when it comes to social things, so it’s taken me this long to realize that my role in life is to protect, support and provide a safe, loving environment. The various other little projects I do pale by comparison to my real mission. Each of us has to find out these things, either alone or with professional help.

@truecomedian I’m glad you’re alive too. Every day you’re here is an opportunity to tap into your passion and live in the world. None of us know what the future holds. Anyone who thinks they do is fantasizing.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land, hear hear!

Thanks guys, I appreciate the sentiment.

I’ve tried twice and failed, obviously. I mixed some over the counter pills with a lot of tequila. Things got a little better, but right now, faced with foreclosure and bankruptcy, and having a big life insurance policy, I’ve started considering the option again. I’ve actually been researching the topic. The only thing keeping me going is what it would put my son through. Of course, he’s the only beneficiary of my life insurance policy, so I keep wondering if that would help make it less unforgivable.

@responsible1 Please remember that your presence in his life is far more important to him than any amount of money. Many, many people have gone through what you’re facing, and have gone on to much happier times. It will get better. I promise.

@responsible1 There is no substitute for a parent, believe me. It doesn’t matter how much you think you’re screwing up, your son came from you, and he will want to continue knowing where he came from as he grows up. Your love, even if you find it hard to show it, is all he actually needs from you. If you end your life, you would be leaving the one person a parent should never leave, and that will be something he will never understand. Please read, read again, and re read @augustlan response above…

@responsible1
Actually your life has just as much a chance of getting better than not. There isn’t a gaurantee that your life will improve, it might actually get much worse. If being misled so that you can feel better for a moment is what you seek, then by all means have at it. But if you want to make permanent progress, and shake these blues away, so that you can be around for your son, instead of some money which probably really isn’t that much, then I have very little advice. It would have to be a lot of money to make up for not having you around, like, a billion. From one suicide chump to the next

Frank Zappa Suicide Chump
You say there ain’t no use in livin’
It’s all a waste of time
‘n you wanna throw your life away, well
People that’s just fine
Go ahead on ‘n get it over with then
Find you a bridge ‘n take a jump
Just make sure you do it right the first time
‘cause nothin’s worse than a suicide
Chump

there’s not much I can say because I would rather keep it real than bullshit you. Some questions arise. Do you have a good relationship with your son? Are you doing alright for yourself, do you own a home, got a job, a woman? I tried the booze and pills route a couple times, my stomach is permanently tore up from that. My heart goes out to you. Just some advice, dont do it. Trust me, dont do it. And if you want to hear that song you can probably find it on youtube, thought some Frank Zappa would cheer you up, he used a lot of humor in his music. The only way it would make sense to kill yourself is if you were already terminal, with months to live. But then I think suicide is a sin, and I’m not religious. Peace brotha keep on truckin’