When I was way down with bipolar disorder, relations between me and my wife were very, very strained. I won’t go into all the prurient details. What I will say is that counselling helped us quite a bit. It enabled us to talk to each other more honestly—to bring up the things we were worrying about or hurting from and to discuss them and maybe negotiate a solutions we both like.
It’s not easy. For me, I was scared to talk about things because I thought the moment I mentioned something that was bothering me, she’d be out the door. I guess I didn’t really believe she loved me. Anyway, we have found out that it is ok to ask for things and it is ok to say no to things we are asked. These things, which seem simple, I suppose, to most people, were very difficult for us.
It’s still hard after three years of therapy. But it’s definitely better. It helps that I now believe she loves me and she won’t be out the door in two seconds if I have a problem with her. It helps her to know that I feel bad about hurting her the way I did when I was sick. It is hard for her to separate the me then from the me now. I hurt her then, but I don’t now. Yes, she knows I was sick, but it still doesn’t make sense that it would change me so much and she worries that it might happen again.
That’s a lot of stuff to deal with. Very difficult. Couples counseling can help.