Pregnancy forces the issue. It’s that simple. It’s a very defining moment in a relationship.
Why doesn’t a guy ask before she gets pregnant? Fear of commitment. Fear of the money involved. Fear of the risk. Fear that someone better may come along. Fear that he cannot be faithful to her. Lots of reasons.
Once a woman gets pregnant, he may see things differently.
I know of a young girl who got pregnant at 20 by some guy she barely knew. He decided to step up to the plate and married her. Married an almost complete stranger because he did not want his child to grow up fatherless. All of us who knew her, held our breath and shook our heads. Guess what? They ended up with a very strong marriage, two gorgeous, well behaved children and a wonderful life. They have been married for about 12 years. It has not been easy, but their commitment to make things work is admirable. Exiting was not and still is not an option for this young couple. So, they work on their marriage. (And no, they are not religious or fundamentalists, either.)
I had another conversation with a young woman who is also married and in her 20’s (different young woman…my niece, actually) and she said that lots of people her age are marrying now, not just living together and that the couples seem to want to make things work. She feels it is a backlash to all the homes where children grew up in single parent homes. Both she and her husband were products of divorced households and so they have a genuine desire to do it differently.
Yes, there is a trend toward getting married if a pregnancy occurs.
A sociologist wrote a book (can’t remember his name) but he talked about how history repeats itself in its people in cycles….this generation (20 somethings) parallels the generation that went through WW II. They will seek tradition. They will want stability. They will embrace traditional values in some form…even the whole organic, eco, sustainibility movement is part of that desire to preserve, protect and maintain the planet. The movement toward gay marriage is also a form of stabilizing and householding. So, perhaps this desire to “do the right thing” is simply a reflection of a desire to have that sort of continuity in life that was lost in the Boomer years. Just a thought.
By the way, I do not advocate getting married just because a pregnancy occurs. But I have to admire a person for asking someone to marry…and for sticking around in any form afterwards…no matter what the answer is.