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CupcakesandTea's avatar

How can I pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move on?

Asked by CupcakesandTea (353points) September 2nd, 2010
14 responses
“Great Question” (2points)

I have no where to turn to because I can’t discuss this issue with anyone in my real life. So to make a long story short I met a guy at work. He eventually asked me out and everything was good for about a month. The problem was that the boss at work absolutely cannot stand this guy I’m dating. So when the boss finds out we’re dating he basically goes off (by the way no policy against the two us dating). The boss said that we need to stop dating .He separates us and punishes him by putting him on night shift. Now this isn’t the only issue. For starters I’m 21 and he is 38 with two children and an ex wife. I managed to look past all that and ended up falling hard for this guy. Now this guy that I apparently love is scared to move forward with our relationship because he fears being fired if me and him are caught together. I have tried so hard to get this guy out of my mind but nothing works. I’m so in love with him and unfortunitely he doesn’t return my feelings as deeply. He says that he likes me and cares for me but that we can’t be in a realtionship right now. Someone please help me, give me some advice because I’m stuck on this guy and it has me so emotionally distraught. I cry almost everyday because I can’t be with him. How can I move on from this? It’s hard not to think about him and when I try not to think about him I end up thinking about him even more. Help please, any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

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saraaaaaa's avatar

I think a few days away is a must. You need some thinking space more that online help. Do you have a friend that you could stay with? Somewhere countryside like would be best good for clear minds and all, you are immersed in this situation that is getting you down by it being your place of work and you need to go off and think. Thats not going to be possible with your boss or this man around.

isuppose's avatar

You’re so young to be this committed! Take a break, try to get away from him. You have your whole life to find someone who can return your feelings, so find them!

chyna's avatar

Unfortunately, only time and distance will help you get over this heart break. Try to get out with friends and do things to keep your mind off this guy. Going shopping or maybe out dancing with your friends, but don’t drink or over drink to forget him, that never works. I’m glad you aren’t working the same shift with him, as that would be very hard to deal with.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

How important is this particular job site to you? Is it the type of job you could get elsewhere? If it were me and I could move on then I would in order not to get more and more distracted with someone not seriously interested in me. From here on then the two of you will only be soap opera entertainment (or irritation) for those working with you. I’ve been in your shoes, it only gets more painful.

Mom2BDec2010's avatar

I think you should try moving on, he obviously doesn’t care about you as much as you care about him. Maybe you should go out clubbing and have fun. It’s what I would do. Well, if I wasn’t pregnant thats what I would do.

BarnacleBill's avatar

It sounds like your boss knew this guy was using you, and acted in your best interest by separating you.

Nothing you will do will make this man have feelings for you if he doesn’t have them on his own. The guy is pretty much telling you that he doesn’t see a future with you; at least he’s honest.

Seaminglysew's avatar

Stop thinking about him and think about yourself. This is not the ideal situation for a 21 year old, you have your entire life ahead of you. This fellow does not seem to be that into you, and you deserve much better than that. It is hard to see right now because you are hurting, but I think that your Boss did you a favor. Time will heal your broken heart and then you can look forward to meeting someone that thinks that you are the ultimate. Please think about yourself, and take care of YOU.

chyna's avatar

I wonder if this guy is known as the office Romeo (for lack of a better word) and if he has dated all the girls in the office or has tried to? Perhaps that is the reason the boss doesn’t like him.

curlyz's avatar

I agree with what Seaminglysew said…..^

musicislife75's avatar

what i would do in that situation…
i would start hanging out with my friends. all my friends make me laugh and smile. i would suggest you do that. surround your self of people that care about you and make you laugh.

YARNLADY's avatar

You might want to skip this answer – it is very snarky.

If this is what you call a broken heart – the only advice I can give is wait a few days. I can promise you it will go away.

signed: a person who knows what it really takes to break a heart.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Okay…this is what I think…and I know you are really hurting okay? I understand that.

Your boss doesn’t like the guy? Why? Why do you suppose your boss doesn’t like him? What does the boss know that you don’t know?

Your boss separated you for a reason. This guy is trouble. As Elton John once wrote (to paraphrase): “Someone saved your life tonight, sugar bear…”

I am assuming by your reaction…that you had sex with him. So, you probably feel used and betrayed by him. He won’t continue the relationship and you want him to. He is telling you what he wants…this man is making it very clear. It’s his job over you. And if he has two children to support and an ex-wife…that is probably the only choice he can make if he is smart. When you (women) have sex your body produces a hormone that attaches you to someone and a lot of women consider this addiction to be love when it is just a hormone. That’s what makes it hard. You may think you are nuts about him, but its just the hormone kicking in and making you feel like you cannot live without him just as one cannot live without a fix.

I realize that you are really, really hurting…okay? I am not trying to make light of your pain. But men really do tell you what they think….women just don’t always listen. He is choosing his job over you. Understand why. Even though I think he never should have crossed the line with you…he unfortunately did and now he wants to get out as he doesn’t want to jeopardize his job. He is, basically, telling you very clearly…that it is over. If you try to lure him back to have sex again, it will only hurt you more and get you more hooked. Don’t do it.

Please talk to a counselor to help you through this….especially if you feel you cannot talk to anyone that is close to you. I really feel you need to find someone to listen. If you don’t have money to pay someone, there are free counseling services for women in most towns. Catholic Charities usually have counselors for free (and they don’t preach to you about religion…they are there to listen and assist.) Don’t suffer alone. But please know, you deserve to have a man who isn’t carrying so much baggage.

My other advice? Next time, do not have sex until you are in a committed relationship.

faye's avatar

If you could time travel even 3 months into the future, you wouldn’t feel so bad, or possibly not bad at all. One of my talking to myself sayings is ‘this, too, shall pass’.

janedelila's avatar

@YARNLADY once again…I love you. You are so smart!

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