@M1nus
- Your friends don’t have to be friends. You can maintain different friends from different groups with conflicting interests by hanging out with them separately. Just because he doesn’t get along or fit in with your other friends doesn’t mean you can’t be his friend. @WestRiverrat makes good suggestions.
- It is probably not his fault that he’s “uptight”. Maybe he is introverted and shy and making new friends is not his forte, or maybe he just doesn’t have broad interests and is bored with what your other friends call fun. If so, he probably can’t help it. When he’s older, he may be able to refine his people skills, he may be more fun to hang around and less awkward. Pointing out a person’s flaws goes nowhere. If you can get past your own irritation about it, being understanding about who he is and what his strengths and shortcomings are might help the situation. Being supportive and understanding is probably one of the best gifts a friend can give.
- Don’t feel guilty about your lifestyle. If he wants to be your friend, he needs to respect you. You are your lifestyle. He needs to respect that as well. He doesn’t have to be a part of it, but he shouldn’t judge you either. Again, support and understanding go a long way. You should return this respect and not judge his lifestyle. If he wants to be the guy that goes to bed at 8, never has a beer, and wears his pants up to his eyeballs, that doesn’t make him a bad person. He may still enjoy playing football on the weekends, and maybe you do to, and maybe that’s all you need to maintain a friendship.
- If he’s angry at you for avoiding him, the best thing you can do is sit down with him for a face to face discussion about your relationship – with tact.
Honestly, having such discussions can be really hard. It can also be really hard and un-intuitive to be accepting, understanding, and respectful, particularly with someone you don’t agree with or are very different from. I think it helps to constantly remind yourself that he is a person just like you, with feelings and ego. You are both just trying to make your way through this world, and it is as hard for him as it is for you.
In the end, you do what you can, and that’s all you can do.