When sex is witheld from a partner….it usually means that something has not been cleared. Men often feel that “sex will fix things” when a woman is still upset about something. If a woman is refusing to have sex with you, then you have to talk about whatever it is that is bothering her. Women really don’t enjoy having sex when they have been disrespected, talked down to…or when they have unresolved issues with their spouse.
You said, “Sex cures the pain.” and “what would be so dire that sex is not the answer”. Sex is the answer when you are communicating and she feels loved. If you have called her a ****** and fought about it or cheated on her or forgotten her anniversary…and this has gone on and on (so that there is a full load of not-nice things) she is really angry and is not so much using sex as a weapon…but is probably not finding you very sexy. Women want to make love to men that make them feel loved. Not that you aren’t sexy okay? What I am saying is that if you made her feel awful…she can turn off…not to spite you, but because she doesn’t want to make love to a guy who isn’t listening to her. Men listen, women find that sexy.
On a practical level (and I don’t mean to be rude):
1. Do you brush your teeth?
2. Do you smell nice?
3. When was the last time you brought her flowers?
4. Do you care about your apprearance?
5. Do you treat her with kindness and respect?
It could be as simple as any of the above.
Instead of trying to have sex to fix things…figure out how to resolve what is really going on beneath the surface that is bothering her. Then, it won’t be an issue.