If I were to boil it down, I would have to say myself and some things that I believe. Things about myself and (maybe?) a belief or two that I have had pushed into my head. Or possibly that I have allowed myself to believe and haven’t done the work to counteract the messages.
What would I be doing if I weren’t held down by those things? I would be exercising on a regular basis to get into shape. I would not be wondering whether or not my husband was really “with” me when we’re having sex. Or rather, I could take him at his word when he says it is only me. I would not worry that the work involved in getting in shape would end up without one of the results I need. I would quit feeling like I’m being punched in the stomach every time we watch “Dollhouse.” I would quit being pissed off every time someone says, “Looks don’t matter, what matters is what’s inside.”
A plan? Nothing beyond my therapist appointment on Thursday. And I have a feeling I know what he’s going to say. Even so, I’m going to do my level best to go in with an open mind.
In 5 years? Heck if I know!