Ok. I feel pretty strongly about this—I apologize if I step on anyone’s feet in advance.
STOP PLAYING GAMES
These little tests of how he thinks of you are more likely to drive him away. They’ll make him remember how he couldn’t trust his ex, and it’ll remind him not to get close to you. Is that what you want?
Words Vs. Actions
I think this is the primary issue going on here. Women, it seems to me, are comforted by words. They want to define things. Men resist defining things as assiduously as they can. If forced to define, they are more likely to run away than to define. Especially if they don’t trust.
Men will be happy to be involved in a relationship, so long as you don’t call it a relationship. As soon as you define it—call it a relationship, or take it to the next level—we freak out. We do not want to define anything. We do not want to promise anything. At least, not in words.
This is not because we aren’t loyal and honest and all that. It’s because we don’t want to lie. And we don’t know what our feelings are. So if we call it a relationship, what happens if it turns out that it’s not what we wanted? We’ve lied. Which is not something a man does. And since no one can see the future, to promise anything is to lie. We can do our damnedest to fulfill that promise, but if it breaks down, we’ve lied. We resist doing that. Our word is our bond, except when some woman badgers us into it, by insisting we “define” things.
A guy holds out from making promises (lies) as long as he can. But if she gets too insecure or too impatient and starts playing games, then that’s coercion. If you are being coerced, it’s ok to lie, because that’s what she wants to hear. That’s what she’s forcing you to do.
Use your eyes, dammit!
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and smells like a duck, it’s a god damn duck! In other words, you are in a relationship. You have already taken it to the next level. Hell! He’s invited you to move in. What the hell is that? Chopped liver?
He doesn’t have to say it for it to be true. Yes, you can say he’s got a great deal. He hasn’t promised anything, so he can take advantage of you and then walk away if it gets tough. Well, maybe he will and maybe he won’t. You’re the one on the scene. You’re the one who knows his personality. Presumably you think he has integrity or you wouldn’t like him. Right?
You got it!
Honey, you got what you want. Believe it. Or don’t. But stop worrying about the words. I know that women believe words and they’ll believe words even when actions bely the words. But really, it is true that actions speak louder than words.
Either you trust your judgment or you don’t. If you do, then move forward as if you’ve heard all the words you need. You’re dealing with an untrained colt here. If you move too suddenly, he’ll leap and disappear. You got to wait it out. You got to be there and let him learn he can trust you. You aren’t his ex. You got to stop playing games. In other words, you got to be a man. Lose the deviousness.
What you see is what you get. But you gotta see if you gonna get.