Social Question

serenityNOW's avatar

How would you define this behavior?

Asked by serenityNOW (3643points) July 15th, 2012 from iPhone

So, I was passing also some info to my program director at work.
She basically runs this organization.
Anyway, there’s this nurse that works here and she’s been a downright bitch to me. I approached my boss by letting her know I was having an issue. I stated that the LPN was treating me like a “wet-behind-the-ears, brat.” The program director, replied, “well, you are.” The nerve!

So, I’m wondering how one would define that? Harassment? Bullying?
Might as well make this social I’m sure some of you Jellies have had similar stories

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12 Answers

Mr_Paradox's avatar

something that needs to be brought up at the highest level possible.

Sunny2's avatar

If you don’t recognize what she was telling you, it would help you to ask your program director. You may be giving an impression to both people, that you aren’t aware of. It’s neither bullying nor harassment. Perhaps your impression of yourself is not that of the people with whom your work. Don’t complain; learn!

cazzie's avatar

Do you have regular reviews? What do those sound like? What type of feedback do you get? Do you have problems with women in positions of authority?

I always hired for attitude and trained my staff the skills they need. I couldn’t undo a persons personality and if their attitude looked arrogant, churlish or humourless, they didn’t get hired, regardless of what grades they got, what accomplishments they claimed.

Young people won’t learn a job if they don’t show some humility.

Buttonstc's avatar

How could it be considered. Harrassment or bullying when she was just giving you honest feedback. You were the one soliciting feedback from her.

And for her to be that brutally frank with you is fairly unusual I would think.

Perhaps the original LPN about whom you are complaining might have an unreasonable personality clash with you but it’s doubtful that both of them would, isn’t it?

Notice I said unreasonable.

You might want to consider using this as a learning experience. Why not go back to the Supervisor and ask her what advice she could give you to make the situation better. If you’re giving off a “brat” type of vibe, then perhaps a little humility might help.

I’ve got some news for you. Most experienced nurses (particularly supervisory ones like your boss) know more about the nuts and bolts practical necessities involved in hospital routines and patient care than many people with MD after their names (particularly residents).

They (the nurses) are as much a part of their training as the attending physicians are and if those residents come in with an attitude, they bring them down to reality fast because patients well being and health are in the balance.

I have no idea where you fit in this hierarchy or what degrees you have or don’t have but it seems to me that you just got a reality check.

My advice would be to try to learn from it. There’s nothing wrong with being inexperienced (wet behind the ears) but if you are acting like you aren’t, or feeling overly entitled, that pattern will continue to follow you.

I don’t know you from Adam so you know that I don’t have it in for you personally. I’m just trying to give you some honest feedback.

I think your supervisor was trying to do the same. Either work on how to not come off as “bratty” or if you can’t figure it out by yourself, ask for some help. (possibly from the supervisor who was straightforward enough with you to give you unvarnished honesty.)

Or else go to a lawyer and let him tell you that you don’t have a case for harrassment or bullying (if you must.)

serenityNOW's avatar

Hey Button.
I was looking for some sort of, I guess, clarification. It’s just, things are tough here. I consider myself polite, and humble, but, of course you can’t always guarantee people will see that. It’s all moot, though – I’m giving notice early next week. I’ve just gotta keep my head down, do as asked and tough it out.
I think I’ll hold off on the law-side. My case probably isn’t very compelling, but you took the time to answer, so, thanks!”

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

I would define that as an unprofessional, clipped response from the supervisor. There are better ways a response could have been made.

CWOTUS's avatar

You don’t offer a lot of detail in your question, so it’s hard to make judgments from only what is presented there. For example, you don’t state what your position is, your training, education and experience. There may be vast cultural and experience differences, too. (An example: Many men from foreign cultures don’t understand how to treat women as professional equals. If this might describe you, then it’s possible that you offended the nurse, and the program director, in ways that you can’t even comprehend yet.) We don’t know how old and experienced you are or the others in this little drama. For all we know, you very well may be a “wet-behind-the-ears brat”. It seems to have been you who introduced that phrase to your boss, and she merely agreed with it.

No, that doesn’t seem to be particularly professional of her, but we also don’t know what your issues are with the nurse or others at the facility where you are. It is clear that your English isn’t that of a native speaker, so it’s highly likely that there are communication issues between you and others there. Perhaps you misunderstood something that was said to you, or something you said to another was mistaken. That happens all the time, even in places where only English is spoken, and by people who have only been speaking English for their whole lives. Be very careful about that!

Best of luck in your future employment!

marinelife's avatar

What actual behavior has this LPN done that you object to? We would need to know that to give a definitive answer.

s to what you program director said, it was not harassment or bullying. You were the one who gave yourself the characterization. Wet-behind’the-ears means inexperienced and brat is not a bad word.

LittleLemon's avatar

I’m going to go with @Pied_Pfeffer on this one. As a supervisor, it was completely inappropriate. Regardless of how you’ve been acting, it’s your supervisor’s job to be professional. There are certain fields (blue collar, usually) where this type of communication has become acceptable, and it seems to be spreading. Having worked several rungs in a lot of different ladders fields before, I can say it’s pretty ridiculous that this is happening, period. My mom has been a nurse for 30–40 years, and has never spoken that way to anyone. If she even gets close to losing her temper, an apology is issued shortly afterward. The few times her supervisors have been out of line, she’s questioned it tactfully and it’s been resolved.

Not that any of this matters, since you’re leaving soon, but I understand where you’re coming from and it’s uncomfortable at best.

Kardamom's avatar

Yeah, I would like to know a little bit more about what the nurse said to you and what you were doing or saying to her, before she got “bitchy.”

I’ve worked with some pretty awful people before, but because they were in super-high positions, they were allowed to get away with it. People in lower positions who dared to be “bitchy” always got reamed out by their superviors. I’ve noticed that the people who complain about the “bitchy” people tend to get tagged as “whiners” even though they’re often just whistle-blowers.

I don’t think I like how your supervisor answered you either. Doesn’t sound very professional.

Can you give us a few examples of how your interactions and conversations with the nurse went?

Jenniehowell's avatar

I’d define that behavior as a combo of two things:
1— the person replying “you are” is now at least the second person to tell you that either directly or indirectly & perhaps it’s time to change some of your own behavior – if not because they are right at least because their perceptions of your behavior are resulting in responses which are not conducive to you having a non-hostile & pleasant work environment &/or
2— the person saying “you are” is not a skilled enough manager equipped with the proper people skills with which to solve the problem because she’s somewhat afraid of the confrontation or fight that will ensue when the whole situation is made official. Yet another reason to adjust your behavior to something that allows you to better protect yourself if/when u take the issue up the chain of command because clearly your program director if she fits #1 believes you to be a problem on some level & if she fits #2 she’s so afraid of confrontation & hostility from the person treating you like crap that she’ll likely protect that person rather than deal with the wrath of having to do what is right simply due to her fears of confrontation.

Unfortunately, most people don’t realize that even if you are a big brat treating you as such rather than treating you as if better is expected from you is not gonna result in you doing anything more than continuing to be a brat. Direct communication about whatever it is that makes a person a brat is much better, much less hostile & much less prosecuteable via a legal/HR case up the chain than the passive aggressive behavior of the person treating you like crap or the avoidance tactics of your program manager. Point is that someone being a wet behind the ears brat is not justification to not treat them with respect in the workplace/be passive aggressive toward them as a reaction to your annoyance with them &/or not counsel them on how to improve their situation rather than simply replying “you are”.

serenityNOW's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer – Unprofessional is apt.
To all that are suggesting that I could, in fact be a brat, I don’t know how to react. In part, I take umbrage at that, but who knows? I’ve never, in my work career, been labelled a brat, at least as far as I know. However, this is a new field for me. In reality, I’ve been trying to keep my head down and do what I’m asked, but they’ve set the bar impossibly high – for me – and I simply can’t achieve it. It’s sad.
@Kardamom – Actually, I did “rat” someone out. I was encouraged to do so by the trainer. Oops. Well, that’s that.
Thanks all!

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