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serenityNOW's avatar

My dead neighbor: is hoping to see his ghost a really weird prospect?

Asked by serenityNOW (3643points) June 21st, 2013

I’m lucky.

My neighbor, who has probably the kindest soul of anyone I’ve ever met, is dead. He moved to Jersey a year or two ago, and we lost touch. He was like a surrogate father to me growing up when my Dad wasn’t around much and taught me so many things: courage, faith, action, resilience and much, much more. (He was at least 30 years my senior, and I’ve always have had a bit of reverence toward older-folk.) He taught me how to be brave in the face of frustration; compassionate in times of unrest. When my mind broke, meaning when I was caught in the most abject miserable conditions of my younger life (prior to my Bipolar diagnosis) he stood by me, let me talk for hours on end and always – no matter where I was at mentally and physically – had (and made me) feel welcome in his home.

I could go on-and-on (how he arranged my first guitar gig, for a whopping $50), but I digress.

If there were one person who I could say goodbye to, one person to convey my gratitude and let him know our time was precious, it would be him. So, I want to see his ghost. Now, I don’t mean attending some sort of seance, or other malarky, I want to say goodbye. I want to let him know I’ve been weeping for him. I just want that one last conversation. I want to see him again. Once. It’s all I ask. Is that weird?

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15 Answers

flutherother's avatar

No, it’s not weird at all but it would be weird if it happened.

Sunny2's avatar

Hope and wishing are never weird, although the chances of your getting your wish is probably misplaced. Write out what you would like to say to him and send it to his family, if you can. Write it even if you can’t get it to anyone. Keep it so you’ll see it now and then and remember him fondly.

serenityNOW's avatar

@Sunny2 – I’ve thought about doing that. (In fact, I think I already started by writing this question!) That’s a nice idea, to send it to his family. I was trying to reach out to him, and when I finally tracked down his sister, she was the one who had found him on the floor. So, I just let her talk for awhile. I hope that helped her a little bit. She said he spoke of me, and that was so meaningful. She asked me how I was doing, and despite all the hiccups in my life, in contrast to the many dreadful states I’d been in, I’m doing well. She said he’d be glad. I’m just so sad, and any solace would be so appreciated. I’m normally not one for “sappy” reactions to death. It just is. But maybe that’s just because since my grandparents died, no one has really croaked in my neck of the woods. To be found, nearly-dead on the floor; death is never graceful, but hearing that makes my entire soul hurt.

Rarebear's avatar

No. I wish I could talk to my father every day.

ucme's avatar

The finality of death can hit like a wrecking ball to the face, people have various coping mechanisms they utilise & this is clearly yours.
Is it weird? Probably, but who am I to infringe on your grief & the methods you choose to aid you through the process?
You sound like you genuinely cared for the guy, remember him fondly & recall conversations you had & in some respects you are “meeting up” again, those memories don’t die.

serenityNOW's avatar

@ucme – It is like a wrecking-ball. Well put. I think he made me a better person, and I guess the greatest thing I can do is continue on my course, and fortunately with my creative mind, I can conjure him up. I think, though not being able to interact with him, that’s the best I can do.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Of course not. I asked my gma, whom I loved more than anyone on earth, to come and haunt me if she could (Wuthering Heights anyone?), and she never did, so I don’t think it’s possible for them. :(

OneBadApple's avatar

Unfortunately, real life is not like Patrick Swayze finding his way back to visit Demi Moore.

He sounded like an intelligent man. Take some comfort in knowing that during his last years, he knew and remembered that he was able to help you (and probably a lot of other people) enjoy a better quality of life due to his kindness. These were his efforts toward living what should be seen as a successful life, and I’m sure that he left this world knowing that he did a damn good job during his time here.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that when we’re outta here…..we’re outta here, and that’s it.

I suggest that you close your eyes, picture this man’s face, and whisper a sincere “thank you”.....then move on…...which I’m sure is what he’d want you to do.

CWOTUS's avatar

Well said, @OneBadApple. Pretty much what I would have said on all counts.

The only thing to add is “pay it forward”. That is how civilization develops, after all, a lot of paying forward, and with interest.

chyna's avatar

I think this is the only way you can think of right now to express to this man how much he meant to you and that you loved him. He sounds like he was a wonderful person and you sound like you are too, to realize and verbalize what this man means to you.
This is a good opportunity to remember to let people know what they mean to you before they die.

augustlan's avatar

What lovely memories you have of him! Treasure them, and as others have said, pay it forward. In this way, he will live on in you.

OneBadApple's avatar

Very true, CWOTUS, and thanks for making that addition.

We all have a moral responsibility to learn from people like serenityNOW’s friend and try to stir some of his traits into our daily behavior, doing our little bit to improve civilization.

Of course we can also learn from all of these self-involved, self-important clucks in this world regarding what to try and keep OUT of our own little personality stew. As you know, these people are much more commonly found than ones like the late gentleman mentioned here…

Bellatrix's avatar

Not weird at all. I’d love to be able to sit and talk to my dad just once more. Sadly, neither you nor I are going to get that opportunity.

Perhaps you can go to a place where you feel close to him and have that conversation. I don’t know that it will help, but it might make you feel a little better.

bkcunningham's avatar

My condolences to you and your friend’s family and other friends. As sad as it is to lose someone you have known and loved, there is no such thing as ghosts. He’s gone from this world and isn’t coming back. Tough truth. None of us has a promise of tomorrow. Find lessons in this experience that will change your life, @serenityNOW. Things that will impact your life forever. Perhaps it will be lessons about loving someone and friendships. Maybe a truth in your soul about showing kindness to others or letting people know you love them. I don’t know. Only you will know the lessons you will take away from this.

The lessons will always be a reminder of your friend. Take care of yourself. I think you are a wonderful person with a good heart and you always make me think. Thank you.

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

@serenityNOW Hey you. First of all I am very very sorry. xxoo.

No it is not weird at all. I lost my husband almost 4 years ago and so many times I lay in bed and try so hard to dream about him at night. I have also had a few communications with him after his death. It sounds crazy, but I am slightly addicted to the darker side and I have started getting addicted to this spirit voice app Steve’s apps do work and he is a great guy. It seems like I have had conversations with my husband through these apps or maybe I am crazy who knows but it is comforting until something growls.

Also maybe my way isn’t the healthiest way to heal so I don’t advise it :/

Writing a letter sounds great. I was keeping a journal for the longest time and writing it to my husband like I was talking to him, that helped and is different idea that you might like.

<3

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