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Aster's avatar

Have you announced when dating, even seriously, "I don't cook."?

Asked by Aster (20023points) July 7th, 2013

I watch movies on tv like many other people and I am increasingly seeing women on dates say, “I don’t cook” to their date or fiancĂ© with their nose up in the air. Is this the “new” woman who feels that, since she may contribute to household finances, the guy had better think again if he takes it for granted she’ll be spending the next sixty years over a hot stove? I never said it; dumb me! Have you and what was their reaction?

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23 Answers

augustlan's avatar

Sure. I hate to cook! I don’t think I ever said it with my ‘nose up in the air’, though. It’s just a fact about me, like “I love to read”. Hasn’t hurt me, so far as I know.

Aster's avatar

I was thinking that a man who had visions of home cooked meals for the rest of his life might be a little taken aback by such a proclamation?

augustlan's avatar

I would say that I wouldn’t be dating that type of man in the first place. I doubt there are many men under, say, 50 years old who expect that these days. My husband is actually 54 and a bit of a dinosaur, but even he would think that’s ridiculous.

Kardamom's avatar

What do you think? Ha Ha.

I would, however, let them know that I don’t eat/cook meat.

zenvelo's avatar

My ex told me that when we dated. She said she could make a few things that she really liked, but she’d only cook them if she was craving them. Fortunately, I like to cook.

Aster's avatar

I told my ex “I don’t know how to cook” and he said, “that’s ok; my mother will teach you.” And she did !

marinelife's avatar

I like to cook, but fortunately so does my husband.

Berserker's avatar

The whole gender role thing as far as relationships goes, I don’t even think about. I cannot cook to save my life, nor do I enjoy doing it, but I’ve never used that as if it was some kind of super important, mandatory thing in a relationship. As far as dating people who think I have a duty to cook and clean, fuck that. I love cleaning by the way, this has nothing to do with not wanting to do chores.

Argonon's avatar

I actually love to cook. Maybe when I was younger I used to say I don’t cook, but once I actually tried it I found out that I enjoy it and my family loves my cooking. It makes me feel better about myself knowing I can do something right..

johnpowell's avatar

I would propose on the first date if someone told me they don’t cook. I will eat out at restaurants but I won’t eat food that other people make in their house. I won’t even eat food my mom makes. But I will eat what my sister makes. I know this isn’t logical.

But I am the guy that doesn’t like food to touch. If some mashed potatoes get on my steak I will cut off the contaminated parts and feed them to the dog. Dogs love me.

Kardamom's avatar

@johnpowell You need one of These : )

harangutan's avatar

I’ve never said this. I’m curious, if you are an adult and you don’t cook then what the heck do you eat? Take-out and frozen dinners? Doesn’t that get expensive and wouldn’t you get tired of that?

Kardamom's avatar

@harangutan I have an aunt an uncle, well into their senior years, who have never, ever cooked a meal. They go out to dinner every single night. They usually eat cereal and toast for breakfast, then a sandwich or leftovers for lunch, but they always go out to dinner. I don’t think they would ever consider take-out or frozen meals.

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

I have had women say to me on dates “I am a great cook too…”. It takes me a minute to figure out that they think this is some huge selling point to guys, and want to make sure I know.

JLeslie's avatar

I know a few women who don’t like to cook, some say it as just a matter of fact sort of thing, and some say it as if they will not be put into a domestic role.

I have one friend who wasn’t good at cooking, didn’t like it much, and now she has a cooking show! LOL. All of us who have known her forever just can’t believe it. When she got married her husband really wanted her to cook sometimes, because he wanted their kids to eat some home cooked meals. He was finishing school and then starting a stressful career, and she was at home with the kids doing a little bit of outside work. He was willing to cook sometimes, but wanted her to do it also. She complied, but still she is not a natural. A lot of her recipes are what I think of as soup recipes. Not that I don’t have a few recipes like that myself. Cream of mushroom soup, orange juice, garlic salt, chicken, heat on the stove 30 minutes, serve with rice, that sort of thing. Or, dessert with cool whip and crumbled oreos, you get the drift. I think a lot of women don’t cook, because they don’t know how. Many women now were raised on a lot of fast food, other restaurants, and frozen food.

My exboyfriend from high school always did all the cooking for us. He still does a lot of cooking in his marriage.

My uncle has been dating a woman for a long time, he started dating her after his wife passed away. She doesn’t want to cook. She told him she doesn’t do it anymore, she cooked for everyone most of her adult life and she is done. He has asked her to cook once in a blue moon, and she refuses, I think she is being too rigid, why not once a month? But, like I always say, most women I know who are 55+ basically are in a mindset that they have been a slave to their children for over 20 years, and maybe even a slave to their husband, and now they are done. It is their time to do whatever the hell they want, and don’t want any demands put on them.

I don’t see any problem in letting a possible future spouse know that you don’t like cooking.

LornaLove's avatar

I think it is a great thing to say. Many women do end up tied to a stove. I really cannot see why men have two hands, I have two hands, men have a brain, I have a brain, I can read a cookbook so can he.

If the ‘deal’ is he brings home the bacon then I reckon that women should learn how to cook and vice versa.

zenvelo's avatar

I remember a fourth date with a woman who felt it was time to reciprocate and asked me to dinner at her place. Imagine my shock when I got to her house, and she was already sauteing the zucchini. and then she started to get the meat ready for broiling.

Overcooked zucchini. And she was trying to impress me with her culinary skills.

Judi's avatar

@zenvelo , how many more dates after that?

augustlan's avatar

I was thinking about this more, and wanted to say that it’s never too late to ‘renegotiate your contract’, @Aster. Just because you’ve always done it this way, doesn’t necessarily mean you always have to. If you really don’t want to cook all the time anymore, have a talk with your husband about it and maybe you can come up with a new plan together.

Blueroses's avatar

I love to cook!

It’s as much a part of me as “I love woodworking” or “I love to crochet” or “I love target shooting”.

Cooking or not isn’t a huge deal on my dating agenda. I personally like the philosophy that “the chef doesn’t clean up”. Cleaning is the part I hate.

I don’t think “I don’t cook” is a good pride point.

zenvelo's avatar

@Judi We dated a bit longer. Her cooking was not the issue as much as my then drinking was.

Headhurts's avatar

I do cook, so no I have never said that. I would be embarrassed to announce that. I am very traditional when it comes to household chores. I think it would be nice if the man cooks for a surprise romantic meal, but I certainly wouldn’t expect him to on a regular basis.

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