First of all, you would not be human if you ever questioned whether being married is the right thing for you. Everyone doubts their choices. Some do it a lot, some once in a while. I saw a recent photo of George Clooney today with his wife and it spoke volumes. There is a guy who must be asking the same question…at least that is what the photo conveyed. He looked like he wanted to be in the Alps with you…:)
I do think that a lot of people are meant to be single as in they are “destined” by their upbringing, choices and life’s path to be so. I have three or four friends (male and female) who never married and are at mid-life. They do not plan to marry as of this writing. They have been in relationships but have chosen “not to drink the Kool-Aid” as one said to me.
I had two sets of maiden aunts who never married, looked great into their old age and were lively and happy. Did they have regrets? Perhaps. But they lived a relatively carefree life, did as they pleased and answered to no one except themselves. I still believe that is why they had a good quality of life. No one wants to ever talk about how being married to Mr Wrong/Ms Wrong ages you, contributes to your ill health and is generally emotionally draining. Add children to the equation and a mortgage and this gets to be a huge burden. At that point the unhappy couple decide to “stay together for the kids” or the tax break or because they are too exhausted to think of going through a divorce.
If you happen to love companionship, are lucky enough to be married to your soulmate/twin soul…that is fantastic. Count your blessings. I think that is truly a gift in this world. There are people meant to be married/joined together and happily so. I know some couples like that, too.
Ever wonder why nuns live so long? They are_ single_, Well, you could argue they are technically married…to Jesus. But that is ultimately like being married to the perfect Jewish guy who is popular and has a great job that keeps him away from home for thousands of years at a time. This leaves His “wife” to pursue her own interests like praying the rosary, teaching, campaigning for human rights, making CD’s of Gregorian or Hildegard of Bingen chants or maybe even flying (think Sister Bertrille).There are no kids or mortgages either. This isn’t hiking the Alps, but if you talk to a nun, they seem really happy with their choices. Were they meant to be single? Yes.
Other people are meant to be single and are pushed into marriage…by their best friends (who as a single friend said once “most often want to share their purgatory with you”), by their families (who want extra members for the touch football team), or by their partners who have clocks ticking. It is hard to remain single in a society that thrives on coupling.
Ultimately, we are not meant to be like Greta Garbo. Some of us are pushed into “single life” through too many betrayals, losses or bereavement. I still think that marriage is not for the faint-hearted. Being single is just as challenging in its own way. When I find myself with good friends that I trust and feel comfortable with, I marvel at how much more real, unconditional love and happiness I feel than in past marriage. I was probably not meant for marriage but it does mean that I was meant to be alone, either. I do not think it is that black and white. The friendships I have with the most marvellous people fill me with more love and laughter and cherished memories than a walk down the aisle did. That being said, it may have been because my choice was ill-fitting. My hat is off to the couples who endure and love with true hearts.
I do not have the most illuminating answer for you.
I think making time every year to spend a week or two hiking the Alps alone (or even visiting Cleveland alone or going fishing alone or going down Route 66 alone) would be a good thing for you to do to clear your head. This may be your “Clarence” time. You can return to the hearth fires feeling renewed or with a new perspective.
Counting blessings is a good thing but you cannot count them until you see them with new eyes.
Wishing you all the best.
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