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desiree333's avatar

Help With My Poetry Assignment?

Asked by desiree333 (3241points) March 2nd, 2009

Okay, so I’ve asked these types of questions before and people keep saying “do your own homework” and stuff so I just want yuor opinion and maybe some feedback and suggestions.
So the poem “Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost, I have to write a parody of it. It has to have the same structure, rhyme scheme, same amount of words, line breaks and so on. Heres my parody of it:
Robbing A Bank On A Snowy Evening

Whose bank this is I don’t know.
It is going to be robbed though;
They will not dare catch me here
I’ll fill my greedy pockets up with dough.
The other people must think it weird
To see me running with fear
Grabbing money from the big safe
They won’t stop me by here.
They sound the alarm and I shake
As if I am going to flake.
The only thing that will keep
Me from falling and caught awake.
Are the people’s screams loud, and deep.
But I have money to keep,
And police to outrun before I sleep,
And police to outrun before I sleep.

By DZG

Okay so if you dont know the poem just google it, I wrote the titile above and if you have any feedback or suggestions please let me know, I really need to do well on this! (btw I am NOT asking you to do my homework for me, I just need feedback so I know if it suck and I should change it or something)
your comments/advice are greatly appreciated!

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9 Answers

ArizonaPancakes's avatar

Remember that a poem is a muse without song.
Robert frost was closer to the muse than to the poem.
It’s good, but read Frost again, more a muse then a poem.
Then; police will outrun before you sleep,
police will outrun before you sleep.

toomuchcoffee911's avatar

You say it’s Robbing a Bank on a Snowy Evening, but I didn’t see anything about snow in your poem. Also, you may want to add a couple commas in some places.

Otherwise, it’s good! I think the idea is clever.

wundayatta's avatar

Also, you might want to check the way the lines scan. I kept finding myself wanting extra syllables and words. For example, “They will not dare catch me here” to my ear would sound better as “They will not dare to catch me here” You might want to count syllables of each line and see how your’s compares. It has a number of lines that sound awkward, and Frost’s poem depended on its musicality, I think.

PS—much better way to ask for homework help. Good job!

gailcalled's avatar

Scansion and meter is off in most lines unless you artificially change how you stress a word. Meter here is about stress rather than syllables. Daloon’s improvement – “They will not dare to catch me here” is perfect and unforced iambics…four of them.

An iamb is one unstressed word or syllable and one stressed, by Jove.

You cannot use “poetry” and “sucks” in the same sentence. That’s the law.

Jeruba's avatar

Pretty good parody. And, I agree, a much better way to ask for help.

Duck the problem of no snow by changing the title rather than the poem: how about “Sleepy Evening,” since it sounds like you are worrying about falling asleep while you rob the bank? If that’s a wrong interpretation, pick some other substitute that will get you off the snowy hook.

I agree with fixing the scansion. Also, you can use the same rhyme scheme (i.e., pattern of which lines rhyme with which) without using the same exact rhyming words. Your close echo of Frost does make your parody more effective, but you could probably solve a few of your scansion and meter problems if you’d rewrite lines that are too forced by the fixed rhymes.

Bri_L's avatar

As the above comments already addressed the poetic specifics better than I could I will just comment on the poem from a reader’s standpoint.

I enjoyed it and thanks for sharing!

desiree333's avatar

thanks everybody for your great answers!
@Jeruba thats a good idea I think I will use the “sleepy evening” title, thanks!
@daloon I agree with you on the awkward lines, I’ll use your suggestions, as long as they will still keep the rhyme scheme the same and the same # of sylables (its a requirement of this assignment)
you guys are all so helpful. :)

SherlockPoems's avatar

I enjoyed your parody. Following a form is difficult, adding an author’s style is even more difficult. Take the poetic corrections to heart and I think you’ve got a winning A there! Good luck. Seems to me you asked for help to improve you… not to help do your homework. Good job! Hugs

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