Social Question

bigjay's avatar

Should I tell my mom that I pooped in my uncles cellar?

Asked by bigjay (387points) November 1st, 2010
68 responses
“Great Question” (26points)

Ok guys, I know this sounds like a troll post but I am genuinely worried. This Sunday we went over for a family dinner thingy at my uncles place. The house isn’t too awesome with people sharing 1 toilet and so our family sort of has this unspoken agreement that noone uses the toilet while we are there [as its 10 of us in total at the dinner, and if someone lets it out the smell will waft right into the dinner table]. Problem is we stayed there for so damn long that I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I got up and said ‘hey I’m gonna go check the parking meter on the car’ and left, went out, then went down into their cellar/storage. I saw a cardboard box, kind of narrow, and did my business in it, and hid it behind the washing machine. I know that sooner or later they are gonna find it, either by chance or from the smell. Do you guys have any ideas how i can prevent it from ever leading back to me?

Now my mom knows that I have had a weak bowel ever since I was little, and I suspect she will be the first to put two and two together, once the evidence is discovered and the news spreads. At the same time, I’m not sure if she’ll be willing to be part of the conspiracy if I tell her the real story. Urgh I am so confused.

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Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Wow. Okay…well, she can put two and two together but I don’t think she’ll tell your uncle – and what is wrong with your parents making you not go to the bathroom when you’re over someone’s place if they know you have a weak bowel, just to save face?

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I really wish you were a troll, but I unfortunately believe you. What the hell is wrong with your parents?

Blondesjon's avatar

there should be a lurve award for “great body”.

Life is easier of you treat it like a band-aid that needs to be removed. Bring it up to someone appropriate and take care of that shit.

daytonamisticrip's avatar

Why would you do that? Why would you not just go to the bathroom or drive of to a gas station? Oh well the past is the past. Tell your uncle, bear the embarrassment, and clean it up.

rangerr's avatar

You couldn’t like.. take the box and throw it over a fence somewhere?

ducky_dnl's avatar

Can you go back to the cellar and get it and throw it away? That’s gross.

Cruiser's avatar

Next time you are more than welcome to use my next door neighbors king bed! I can tell you where the key is hidden!

judochop's avatar

What did you wipe with? And I am calling bullshit on your story. Why would you leave the box in the basement? And they did not notice you were gone and down in the basement? Hmmm?

Trillian's avatar

Conspiracy? Kind of a high flown word for not ratting you out for crapping and leaving it for someone else to find and dispose of.
What the…
I can’t even…
Whatever possessed you to…
I guess you also didn’t clean yourself
Where is DP?

bigjay's avatar

Well in retrospect i feel like i should have just used the toilet, but at the time everyone had just started on their dessert, and i knew that this was going to be a loud and voluminous one, so i took the easy way out, simple as that :/ I didnt really expect to leave the box there, I wanted to put it in the garbage can after i was done, but the dinner table had a perfect view of the can and so i just wasnt up to explaining what i was doing.
Right now im planning on going over there with some random excuse, but i threw the box in such a haphhazard way that without having a proper look at the cellar again, im not even sure what kind of fallout it caused.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

this is giving me anxiety, lol..i wish you luck.

chyna's avatar

@judochop Ah, you had to go there didn’t you?

Trillian's avatar

Fallout! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

bigjay's avatar

@judochop id been holding it in for the last 4 or so hours it didnt really take much time for it all to come out. the basement is a cellar with one of those double whinged doors from the outside. the door is usually kept open. from where the dining room is, all they can really see is the garbage can, the specific reason for which i couldnt dispose of the box how i wanted to.

AIec's avatar

well, tough shit!

Pandora's avatar

Yeah, I’m with @judochop. I can’t imagine a grown person being so worried about people smelling their poo that they would rather poo in the persons cellar. If you were 5 maybe, but I take it you at least 8 years older than that.
Yep, still not buying it.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I believe the story, as off the wall as it is. I just think you have to tell your mom. Which sucks.
Is this the first time you’ve done something like this? I don’t mean shitting in someone’s basement in a box, I mean really putting yourself in a potentially horrible situation just to avoid embarrassment or punishment?

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I dunno, guys. Based on their other questions and responses, I don’t think this person is trolling right now.

bigjay's avatar

well in this sort of post-mortem analysis the flaws of what i did in the span of two minutes is bound to come up. but anyhow, thats how it is, i just didnt feel like going into the tiny bathroom surrounded by so many people, filled to the brim with crap to release.

judochop's avatar

@bigjay I don’t know your family at all but if they are so uptight that you can’t shit in the bathroom, which is what it is built for then you are in deeper shit when they find the “box” of shit behind the washer. If I did that, my father would have disowned me and probably shoved it in my face. You need to go to your Uncles house and man up. Throw your shit away. You also, still did not answer the wiping question. If you can sneak toilet paper down there from the bathroom then you could have sneaked a box in the trash.

mrentropy's avatar

The problem is, as I see it, there’s a gigantic piece of DNA evidence. Once CSI gets involved it’s all over.

Supacase's avatar

I admit I am curious as to how old you are. It changes my answer somewhat, but I will say that I would not want to use the restroom as you described and I’m well into my 30s. Some people are more modest/embarrassed about these things and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you are around 13-ish then I can see you not really knowing what to do in the moment. You should tell your mom and explain how upset and embarrassed you are – ask that she not put you in that position again. Knowing your weak bowel history, she needs to make sure you have opportunities to visit a proper restroom.

If you are 17-ish, you need to be able to say to your mom that you need to leave in order to use the bathroom. There is no reason you should be holding anything in for four hours. If you need to save face or not embarrass your relatives with the gross bathroom, develop a code word that means you’ve got to go.

bigjay's avatar

i said it was an unspoken agreement. my mom didnt come up to me outright and say jay do not use the toilet, simply from the discussions we have, and from the point of my own humility, i just didnt want to shit in such close proximity to all those people who could vividly hear the gory details. i am a 17 year old by the way.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Man. As someone with serious issues revolving around embarrassment, I feel for you. I’ve never done anything like this, but I can understand how you got to that point.

You really do have to fess up. You can’t just leave it.

daytonamisticrip's avatar

If someone pooped in my basement I wouldn’t even know what to say or do. The only thing I can think of saying is…shit!
Just saying.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@daytonamisticrip I mean, it isn’t something that anyone wants to hear. Hopefully the adults in the situation will be adult enough to just shut their mouths and let the guy clean up after himself. At least he had the decency to crap in a box, and not right on the floor.

bigjay's avatar

yeah i know :/ if they were to find it anytime soon, then it would be pretty clear that this was a result of the dinner last sunday, and honestly, from the way poop smell diffuses i wouldnt be too surprised if we get a call right now. right now tho i am just thinking up a good enough excuse thatll let me go back there and retrieve what i left behind, but the thing is, i cant think of what to say to justify going in their cellar alone and prowling around behind their washer. guys any ideas?

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Short of breaking and entering? Which I am NOT saying is a good option, why not just aim for the truth?

I get that it will be mortifying on the embarrassment meter, but I can not possibly think of a reason you might have to go in their basement without them asking you to.

Trillian's avatar

@DrasticDreamer Now I’m going to have to go look….

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Instead of trying to avoid it, fess up. If they ask why you did it in the first place, be honest and say that you didn’t want people to smell/hear it, and also that you were really embarrassed to go around that many people, and then apologize. It will suck, yes, but I see no other way.

Imagine trying to sneak in there to clean it up, getting caught and then having to explain why you’re down there in the first place. Not only will they be mad that you crapped in a box in the first place, they’ll be mad that you also didn’t fess up about it.

Honesty is best here, trust me.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

But think about it this way: No matter what you decide, you’re going to have an awesome story to tell over and over, when you’re an old man. :D

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

March right back to your uncle’s and poop in a second box! At least make it a matching set!

trailsillustrated's avatar

oh hahahaha I miss stuff like this on here. Say nothing and don’t worry about it. It’s a small thing

BoBo1946's avatar

TMI In the scheme of things, would not lose any sleep! Lmao!

Trillian's avatar

“It’s a small thing” Hehehe, that’s what she said.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

What if he “re-gifts” it to you at Xmas?? Problem solved!!

judochop's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille best answer ever.

Trillian's avatar

He could make it the central part of a display in a shadow box. Ooooo! Or part of a prop in a diorama!

breedmitch's avatar

Yeah. I’m gonna call bullshit on this, too.
1. I’ve never gone number two without going number one at least a little bit. You telling me you peed in said cardboard box, too?
2. “post- mortem analysis”. I’m not buying a 17 year old who can correctly use the hyphen and not know not to shit in a box.

daytonamisticrip's avatar

@breedmitch I don’t know he’s sounds genuine. I can usually sniff out a liar from a thousand miles away. Something about the details he gives just makes it sound realistic. You know how people say don’t believe everything you hear. Well I’m saying don’t doubt everything outrageous that you hear.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@breedmitch I can crap without peeing. Just saying. As for the second part of your question: Yes, plenty of them can do that.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@breedmitch I would be more inclined to believe it was trolling if they didn’t seem genuinely interested to find an actual solution.

daytonamisticrip's avatar

Oh yeah and thanks to your shitty question all I can smell is poop.

SamIAm's avatar

ohhhh man but i totally agree with @rangerr, doofus.

deni's avatar

I’m sure it has already started smelling. If I was in this situation I would come up with an excuse to get back over to your uncle’s and find your way downstairs and just get rid of it. And if they find it before that…Yow. This is so bizarre!!

seazen's avatar

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Just saying. Sorry.

deni's avatar

this question is second only to the one about the guy having pains in his chode when he sneezed.

FutureMemory's avatar

You need to get your uncle out of the house, plain and simple. Maybe convince your parents to invite him out to dinner or something. Once you get him out of the house, sneak in and clean up after your shitty self. The End.

weeveeship's avatar

LOL.

Yeah, just try to get back in your uncle’s place (hopefully without intruding) and just remove that box.

BarnacleBill's avatar

I would suggest talking to your aunt about it, rather than your uncle. Women tend to be a little more understanding about kids, bowel issues, and embarrassment. It will probably surface as a family legend in a few years, but in the meantime, hightail it over to your aunt’s, and explain/apologize/clean up.

I’m sure she’s aware that the proximity of the bathroom to the dining room causes problems with odors and sounds.

deni's avatar

I WANT AN UPDATE

deni (23100points)“Great Answer” (11points)
DrasticDreamer's avatar

@deni Me too, me too.

judochop's avatar

I still want to know what he wiped with.

FutureMemory's avatar

His socks?

daytonamisticrip's avatar

@judochop I’m with you. So bigjay you going to tell us or not?

BoBo1946's avatar

Anyone here ever use John Wayne toilet paper?

judochop's avatar

@BoBo1946 sort of like this huh? I guess we could call this the John Wayne question.

BoBo1946's avatar

Loll… ditto @judochop !

Deja_vu's avatar

I’m dying in anticipation. What happened?

bigjay's avatar

hey all. ummm thanks i guess for taking so much interest in the matter @ _ @ . anyhow i just couldnt think of anything sufficiently good that would justify me going back to my uncle’s, but yesterday, i found out that we still had leftover containers to return, so i volunteered to take them back. once i got there, my aunt didnt greet me particularly strangely. i didnt really go inside the house – i gave her the containers in the front porch, made the regular small talk, and said goodbye. after she went back in tho, i sneaked a 5 second look inside the cellar. it wasnt particularly smelly, as far as cellars go, and i didnt see much behind the washing machine either. i can only come up with two conclusions:
– they found it and didnt make a big deal out of it, at least not the ‘in your face’ kind of big deal
– its still back there. the box i did it in wasnt that big, and it wasnt the kind with two flaps on either side, rather it had one giant flap which had that buckle kind of thing in the side. this could mean that it contained the smell much betteer than i thought. also, even with broad daylight coming in from the doorway, it was extremely difficult to see if there was anything behind the washing machine. i didnt really try reaching inside as i was pretty worried at the time if my auntie might come back out so i just took a quick glance and left.
anyhow this scenario is pretty much over for me as either way the thing isnt coming back to me, and that was my biggest worry all along.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@bigjay I will call this the “poop in a box in a cellar” mystery and so it continues..

mrentropy's avatar

I reckon it’ll stay there for years until they move. At that time they’ll figure it was just a giant rat or something.

breedmitch's avatar

bullshit

judochop's avatar

So you went to your Uncle’s house again to ‘return’ containers and you never went back in? You just stood on the porch and spoke with your Aunt? Ok, I guess so but why would you not stop in for a hello? Do you live just down the street because I was getting the feeling that it was more like the other side of town….Still…Something smells fishy here….errrr, just like shit.

_zen_'s avatar

Lurve this thread. It’s still not archived – yay! Is there an award?

wilma's avatar

Oh my!

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