Well there you go, @Blackberry. Isn’t that what all you people do?
Of course not, but I think some white folks believe that. Asians, too. It’s racist, of course, but it also has that positive component, I think. Even if it totally doesn’t work.
For me, it’s a complicated thing. I know I’m not of the people I am visiting, and my natural inclination is to start trying to talk like them. I don’t even have to think about it. I just do it. But then, I also know I’m not one of you (whatever group I’m in), and that it can come across as pathetic and condescending if it looks like I’m trying too hard.
So I’m me. I don’t swear much or use slang. I use my vocabulary and assume that if anyone doesn’t understand something, they’ll ask. Almost no one asks. Which means that some people’s unease around me is misplaced since we all have pretty much the same vocabulary.
Once I worked in an almost all black organization. I was doing some training and there came a moment when I was getting morally upset about something and I think I said “fucking” this or that something was a bunch of “shit.” Whatever I said, the people I was training almost took a step back in shock. They just didn’t expect that from me, even though none of them blinked an eye at it during conversation amongst themselves.
I never did that again. I guess there’s a time and a place and a way to try to make people feel like they aren’t so different from you. Other times, it’s probably refreshing to acknowledge the difference openly. Being non-racist doesn’t mean pretending that we’re all the same. I hope.