My loneliness has, almost always, been linked to depression. When I’m depressed I can’t see love. I can’t see that anyone cares about me. I don’t believe there is anything to me that is worth spit.
I’ve learned some of the things @kess said. Primarily I understand that the wholeness comes from within, not from anyone else. When I am whole, I am not alone. I’m just not. I can’t really explain it because the transition from nothingness to wholeness happens either when I’m not looking or at an impossible to perceive place. One moment, I could be doing anything, I become aware I’m not in pain any more. I’m not alone. I believe that people like me and find me valuable. Like magic.
I guess it has to do with the work I’ve been doing. But since there’s no direct sense of cause and effect, it’s hard to really feel the connection between what I’ve done and the result.
I believe people on fluther have been very helpful to me. Thank you all. I believe fluther, itself, is helpful, just for bringing caring people together. Just for keeping this a constructive environment. But mostly because there is a lot of empathy here. More than in the real world, anyway.
Loneliness comes and goes like magic. Like a change in medication. I think that we are all connected, and that we lose awareness of that connection because of a change in brain chemistry. It’s enormously frustrating because it makes me feel like I could change it if I wanted to, badly enough. I want it as badly as I can, and it doesn’t change, and then I’m worse off than before. Tricky beast: loneliness.