I was rather googly-eyed as a child, being raised by religious parents. As I grew into youth I began using drugs (marijuana, LSD, DXM) and rather accidentally began seeing the world in a different light as a result of what I was reading (Henry Miller, Kant, Jung, Tom Robbins, Hunter S. Thompson) and observing in people my age.
Love disappointed me from early on as it was mostly unrequited upon the ones I projected. I dropped out of highschool to run away a guy 4 years older than me whom I had met online and found a connection with. After a year, he grew disenchanted with me and sent me back to my parents. I was crushed and took it hard. I became bitter. Finding out I was pregnant 3 weeks later didn’t help. I was horrified of the idea of having a child (as I remain to this day) and arranged a private adoption. On the day of the kid’s birth, I took lots of pictures, and they didn’t come out. The bitterness impounded and I felt like life was screwing me on all fronts. I got into a relationship with an older guy who was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. Then the next summer I was raped at knifepoint in my car.
After this, I met the man I am with today. He became a healer of sorts for me, and showed me love I didn’t know existed. The cynicism in my personality has developed later rather than right after these events. I feel that they forced me to see the world the way it really is, or was. Cynicism and skepticism is truly visceral for me. I feel like I attained this worldview through my experiences. I think that optimism is for fools, for the most part. Cynicism is just being grounded in reality.
These statements are only opinions, I am not writing anything in stone here.