Eh, parents aren’t perfect. shrugs her shoulders Their attitude sounds rather toxic, though and I can see you’ve developed coping skills to deal with their rather anti-social behaviour. I’m assuming you are grown up, educated and have been living away from your parents for several years, probably ignoring their rude, incessant pressure to ‘marry a nice Indian/Korean boy’ (sorry, you just said ‘Asian’ so I’m stereotyping a bit)
I guess you need to make some decisions, then. You could somehow expose the truth of your parents attitude to your boyfriend’s mother and burst her bubble, and explain that they reached her through devious methods and apologise. You could tell your parents that if they don’t back off stalking your boyfriend’s mother, digging for information about you and your life, they’ll see even less of you and hear even less.
And you can keep insisting that your life is your own and if they don’t stop their constant criticisms of your life and friends and career and boyfriend, you don’t want to hear from them. No one wants to constantly hear every decision they make is wrong and that they are ruining their life.. blah blah blah…. (just taking a stab here at what has caused this great wedge) And in my book, that’s not parenting, that’s bullying.
So, @Asduf , you have my support here. I don’t know how they reached her, but they are obviously digging in areas of your life behind your back to find out what is going on with you, and that does sound like concern. (Perhaps it’s warranted, but, again, I’m assuming a lot here that you’re an educated grown-up with no really bad habits) What they do with that information doesn’t sound all that healthy and you have to stand up to them so that one day, they’ll realise that, regardless of however well intentioned they are, if this is how they are acting, it’s not healthy for you and it’s not healthy parenting.