@Mz_Lizzy I never go back and read anything I’ve written. Never. Well, not quite never. But it is truly embarrassing when I do, so I am unlikely to do it for any reason other than to remember something.
I’ve been listening to some of my music from a few years back. All I can say is that it’s a good thing I can fake it, because my playing is abominable. I don’t know if there’s a single phrase I played where I didn’t crack at least one note, or go somewhere completely off key, or where I didn’t totally crack a note—usually many in a row.
There are a few pieces I do like to listen to. I don’t know if more than a couple other people would like to listen to them.
I hope it doesn’t make me too self-conscious. I’ve already been changing what I do because of what I’ve heard. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. I’m amazed that no one has complained. I know if I were someone else playing the way I do, I would be unable to play with me. It’s really surprisingly awful. Good thing no one complains, because I sure do enjoy it. But it’s not something to be proud of.
Anyway, judgment is not the point. It’s just what I hear in my head is so different from what I can actually do. It really doesn’t matter. It’s just for fun. I should probably stop recording things because that does take away from it. I had been hoping to find some good stuff, but I haven’t so far. I mean, I remember really cool places in the performance, but they just aren’t there on the recording. It can’t just be the chintzy recording that makes that stuff so hard to find.
Similarly, I like to spin words just for fun. I would never want to have to rely on them for income. Or maybe I should. I might be able to lose the weight I need to lose, if I only had the income I could get from writing. But it’s just fun for me to see what I think. If anyone else enjoys it, that’s gravy. All I really want is to avoid having people tell me to stop.