@ColoradoMom…..You stated it in one answer for me: “His ex-wife cheated a lot.”
Let me give you another view….take a big breath.
I was once with a serial cheater. I think that perhaps you need to understand what goes on in the minds of people who have been betrayed over and over by a partner/spouse. Something that seemed really innocent to you, meant a lot more to him. I am not condoning his reaction…I am just saying that what you did “triggered” a memory in him that is not something pleasant.
His wife’s cheating may have started that innocently, too….“Oh, honey, I just ran into Bozo at the store and we had a chat about his clown shoes….next thing I knew, it got late and I had to drop him off at the Big Top…” Perhaps the ‘innocent relationship” was started with her giving Bozo rides all the time. So, even if you are the most trustworthy person on the planet, he will not hear what you are saying. It’s rather like a post-traumatic reaction. Maybe he is feeling vulnerable about his own masculinity (did he lose his job recently, is he losing his hair, is your intimate life what it should be?)
One book that might give you some insight into this situation (and he might also want to read it to open up a dialogue and help himself) is this link
I am really speaking from someone who has been in your spouse’s shoes. I am not defending his actions…but I am understanding that what he is reacting from is great pain. Jealousy (unless he is a crazed sociopath) sometimes comes from having been betrayed.
Open up a dialogue rather than attack each other.
“Do you want to talk about what you felt when you heard me say that I had given him a ride? What was your greatest fear? Did you feel like you did back when you were with Miss Not-A-Bed-Of-Roses? ”
Then, let him talk and get out the feelings that came up for him…and reassure him. But what he really needs (maybe both of you) is to get some help…he is clearly not over the pain. I hope the book might help, too.
Good luck.