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chelle21689's avatar

How do you know for sure when you love someone?

Asked by chelle21689 (7907points) September 22nd, 2011
25 responses
“Great Question” (1points)

I know for sure it’s not about how good-looking they are, butterflies, and all that crap. I feel like the infatuation phase is over for me so I question myself now if I will love my bf. We’ve seen each other for 7 months but official for almost 2 months.

He complements my life and he definitely makes it better and more fun. He’s attractive, shy, outgoing, adventurous, so sweet and considerate, very giving, when I see him he just brightens my day and I can’t help but smile. When I’m with him I just enjoy his company even if we’re not doing anything. He’s shown me how to live life (how cheesy does that sound?).

I don’t miss him when we’re apart. But I think maybe it’s cuz we spend so much time together and we always text/talk when we’re apart. I don’t have that urge to tell him I love him. I care about him but I don’t know if I love him. I can see his imperfections and still want him but I don’t think I’ve seen him at his worst…except maybe that worst hangover he had throwing up 10x lol. I still get a bit shy around him sometimes and I don’t know why…I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable around him but sometimes I’m shy to kiss him.

Even though infatuation is over there are some moments that happen randomly for a few seconds when I think about how great and wonderful he is but then I realize it’s just lust because I get butterflies

He’s 21, I’m 22. I had one 5 year relationship. He had 3 very short non serious. I fear that I will not love him since it’s been so long now…

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Answers

TexasDude's avatar

I knew that I truly loved my first ex girlfriend long after we had broken up when I realized that I didn’t care about whether or not she was with me anymore, but that she was truly happy with her life now, and doing ok.

smilingheart1's avatar

A well I bless my soul
What’s wrong with me?
I’m itching like a man on a fuzzy tree
My friends say I’m actin wild as a bug
I’m in love
I’m all shook up
Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!

My hands are shaky and my knees are weak
I can’t seem to stand on my own two feet
Who do you thank when you have such luck?
I’m in love
I’m all shook up
Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah! ]
Please don’t ask me what’s on my mind
I’m a little mixed up, but I’m feelin fine
When I’m near that girl that I love best
My heart beats so it scares me to death!

She touched my hand what a chill I got
Her lips are like a volcano that’s hot
I’m proud to say she’s my buttercup
I’m in love
I’m all shook up
Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!

My tongue get tied when I try to speak
My insides shake like a leaf on a tree
There’s only one cure for this body of mine
That’s to have the girl that I love so fine!*

john65pennington's avatar

If this person had to leave your life forever…..how much would you miss him?

Jude's avatar

If you have to ask, you don’t.

blueiiznh's avatar

7 months of knowing this person is hardly long enough to know. 2 months of really learning about each other is a heartbeat in terms of what you are asking.

Enjoying the endorphine chapter of a relationship is certainly something to take in and enjoy.

Ask yourself a few questions of what would you feel if this other person did something that caused hurt or question in the relationship.
Will you stand by them and work it out?
What is the most unthinkable thing that he could do and then ponder what you would do.

As others have stated, if you are questioning it, you have yet to experience it.

Close your eyes listen and ponder it.

GladysMensch's avatar

I’ve been married for 20 years and I still get butterflies from time to time. So, that’s not the litmus. I believe that you have to have some negative experiences together before you will really know, and you probably haven’t had too much after only 7 months. My wife and I dated for 2 years before we had our first real tests. But if you want to speed up the drama, take a trip together, and not a vacation to Cancun. No, go backpacking through Europe or Asia. Some place where the two of you are not in complete control of things (language barriers, train strikes, lodging). You’ll know it’s something if you don’t want to kill each other before it’s over.

janbb's avatar

Give it time. We all have different feelings attached to that word we label “love.” No-one can tell you what it means or whether this guy is enough. Just let the relationship develop organically.

Scooby's avatar

Sounds to me like your on the road to a fulfilling & great relationship, stick at it…. There’ll be many bridges to cross in future & hurdles to climb, just keep respecting each other & you’ll get there…. For now just keep basking in his smile, for it is for you ;-) Lap it up.

thesparrow's avatar

@chelle21689 Ya, but people and the media are always trying to force-feed you what love is and you have to make that decision yourself.

thesparrow's avatar

For me, love is healthy when you love someone who loves and respects you back. I’ve seen love go totally awry and I’ve seen women go waay too far with it. You seem like a strong, independent girl who has a guy that treats her right. Stick at it. I don’t miss my bf either when we’re apart (1 yr relationship). In fact, sometimes I just downright don’t want to see him. I don’t let people tell me what I should and should not feel. Society also paints a picture of women as having to be really needy (i.e. being entirely dependent on relationships for happiness and doing little else for personal fulfillment). Keep this in mind when you’re thinking about common interpretations of the word ‘love.’

wundayatta's avatar

When you know for sure you love someone, then that’s when you know for sure. Not a moment sooner.

thesparrow's avatar

Yeh I think he knew that sooner than I did.

flutherother's avatar

When you say “I just enjoy his company even if we’re not doing anything” that is a pretty good definition of love. It can be a roller coaster so hang on tight.

CWOTUS's avatar

I second what the Fiddle kid said. I told her that I love her regardless of how she feels about me. I told her if she finds another that she loves – because she wouldn’t say it back yet – then I’d be her biggest cheerleader. I told her that she’s ruined me for other women; there can’t be another woman unless I can get over her. I told her that I’ve never ‘not thought of’ her every day since we’ve met, even when I don’t see her for months at a time. And I’ve meant every word. Seems like love to me, or an acceptable facsimile.

athenasgriffin's avatar

Coming from someone who has been wrong about being in love with someone multiple times, it doesn’t happen as soon as you think it might. I now believe that love is something that you build, not something that appears. I also think that every person’s love is different. My love doesn’t necessarily look like your love or feel like your love.

Also, I always had this silly idea that when I was in love with someone, I would be completely and utterly comfortable with their silence. That we wouldn’t need to be constantly entertaining each other, that being with him would be as easy as being alone. (This is coming from an introvert. I suppose an extrovert would feel differently.)

Ellis1919's avatar

There are so many different types of love. And also, love means different things to different people. What’s your definition of love? What’s his? How do you know for sure? How do you know anything for sure? You don’t. And even if you love each other, no one can guarantee what’s going to happen. Sometimes love isn’t enough. I believe love is unconditional. It’s something you just know when you feel it.
Love is staying and fighting when you want to leave. It’s being there for someone else and putting their needs and wants before your own. It’s for better or worse and in sickness and in health.

chelle21689's avatar

Great answers everyone. Very good…

thesparrow's avatar

@flutherother On the contrary. I can’t watch sports with him. I do everything in my power not to leave the room or start texting my friends. That’s love.

blaze626's avatar

Don’t make the commitment until you’re sure without doubt. You just know

thesparrow's avatar

I know now because I’ve stopped using passive aggressive tactics.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

When their happiness, health and well being as a provision of self makes you happier for having given it to them and their life better for accepting it.

thesparrow's avatar

You can’t see yourself with anyone else, and you don’t even know why.

thesparrow's avatar

It took almost a year for it to happen for me

blueiiznh's avatar

“Some people care too much. I think it’s called love.”
~A.A.Milne

chelle21689's avatar

Funny looking back on this. I can’t even remember when I “knew” I loved him. All I can say is it’s been 3 months and I really do love him and now can’t imagine life without him. I just feel it much more than what we had 3 years ago, it’s just grown and I hope it keeps growing. Two years was rough when we were learning to communicate and I think we’ve handled arguments/differences a lot better now.

He’ll he farts all the time and it pisses me off and I still love him.

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