@emeraldisles I was like @Mariah, too. I had a lot to prove and would hyperventilate if I got a A- on a test, and had to be the among the first 5 finished with a test. At the end of my junior year, I had a 3.9 and was 6th out of a class of about 650, was on the swim team, in 3 clubs, competed in theater, and I was not satisfied. Failure wasn’t an option. I seriously should’ve been put into therapy.
I switched to a smaller school with 55 kids in the senior class and did it all over again- about 8 different activities and was valedictorian. I upped the activities but relaxed on the grade front because there was much less competition, but still graduated with a 3.85.
I went to college 2 months after I turned 17. My first semester in college, I finished with an 0.96. You read that right. 0.96: 3 F’s, 1 D and 1 B+. Long story, but I couldn’t keep up with myself anymore and when I couldn’t, I went to the other extreme. Now in my MA program, I’m a happy A-/B+ student—I do the work, but I have a life. The only people who care about my GPA are those who want to see if theirs is better than mine.
When I was stressing out about grades, I felt I had to prove to the world I was capable. I had a lot, lot invested into my image and upholding that image. I thrived only on external praise and approval. How do you think things went when I no longer had external approval and realized that a perfect image was 1. transparent and 2. the most fragile thing in the world? Keeee-rash!
The best thing I’ve ever learned (and am still learning) is that external approval is appreciated, but fleeting—and internal approval is permanent. I have to feel that I did a good job for myself, not others. And image is best created by being true to yourself—anything else is an exhausting show and will eventually break.
Yes, a 3.8 GPA is terrific, but not if you’re losing sleep.