I’ve been here, in this exact situation. You need to get out. If you can, get out before he reads all these, otherwise he’ll convince you that it isn’t what you want just what a bunch of strangers on the net have put in your head. He’ll use it as a reason to monitor your computer and internet use from now on and his hold on you will have tightened.
I bet your friends and family don’t have any idea of what your life is like, but I also bet one or two will be noticing changes in you and worrying.
When we eventually split up, thankfully before marriage, we were living together and I was working for him in his business, and the date had been set for the wedding. I genuinely could see no way out.
The day it ended I fled to my parents and never looked back. They were so relieved, but they had no idea quite how bad it was and I’ve never told them the full extent of it. To be honest I felt ashamed that I’d allowed it all to happen, but that’s the clever way these controlling sorts work.
A couple of days after we split, I took myself somewhere peaceful with a notepad and pen, and I wrote down all the things he had tried and succeeded in controlling in my life, from clothes to being able to talk to friends to making promises beyond the grave… I pretty much filled the notepad, and I also completed any grieving for the lost relationship. I never looked back from that moment on.
The best thing it did for me was teach me all the warning signs of this behaviour, and made me very aware of what I do and don’t find acceptable in a relationship. I have met some beautiful people since, and am now in the most balanced and caring and gentle relationship – it’s incredible.
Good luck. You can get yourself free of this, and your life will be better because of it. His behaviour is unacceptable. No two ways about it. Don’t accept it.