I felt the same as you when my parents separated (at the time I was entering High School – so about 14~15 yrs. old). It took them a long time to actually get divorced and honestly, because my dad spent all his time working and very little time with us..I didn’t know him very well and didn’t feel very close to him. My sister and I mainly lived with my mom – and my dad moved out and got an apartment.
I went off for a study year abroad (my sophomore year) during the year that their divorce was finally finalized and missed both of their weddings (they each re-married pretty quickly after their divorce was finalized..probably because their divorce took so long..I think it took them nearly 3 yrs to divorce!) to my new step-parents.
While I was far away I decided to stop blaming my dad and be open minded..mainly because this one thought kept going through my mind:
‘These are my only parents. They may not be perfect – but they are all I’ve got.’
When I came back from Japan my Dad wanted me to spend time with him (and my new stepmom) and I decided that I’d be completely fair – just spend half my time with both parents. My sister continued to blame our dad..so it was really just me, and I just made it a rule that neither parent could bad-mouth the other to me. To be honest, after I stopped blaming my dad some things became clearer and I could see my Mom’s contributions to how their marriage failed, too. Basically, neither of them was blameless.
By then I was old enough to drive (and bought my own first car from babysitting money I’d saved up for year) and I could drive and stay at my Dad’s house for a week and then move back to my mom’s house for a week. I did this for most of my Junior year of high school.
I split my time with both my parents until my mom, probably experiencing some tension in her new marriage, started to get abusive. She said my behaviors/facial expressions and mannerisms reminded her too much of my dad and pissed her off.
Although I never would have imagined it when they first separated – it became clear to me that I needed to move in to my Dad’s house while I finished my senior year of high school (even though my mom’s house was closer to my school). I moved in and although my stepmom had never had kids before she was really patient and wonderful to me and I really got to know both her and my dad better.
So, based on my experience I’d just say – don’t close any doors.
Your dad is your only dad. It’s up to him to build a relationship with you. Try calling and reaching out half-way, maybe he’s mistakenly thinking that you don’t want a relationship with him. Then it’s up to him. If he wants to know what’s going on in your life – he should call and try to see you..but it’s also partially up to you to not push him away.
Even if things didn’t work out for your mom & your dad..it doesn’t mean your dad doesn’t love you..so give it a chance to evolve into a new relationship. Try not to blame, try not to take sides. It’s rarely just all one person (though, certainly it’s the case that one parent is more to blame then the other) when it’s the failure of a marriage, y’know?
Try to keep an open mind and not assign blame..and be firm about not talking about one parent with the other.
I’m hoping your situation ends up as positively as mine did.. I’m now very close to my dad (and my wonderful stepmom) and my mom.. It does get easier as time goes by and everything becomes less bitter & tense, too. So..hang in there.