It used to really annoy me when people I would write emails to would write “hugs” or something like that when I had written them about something that made them feel sorry for me. I really didn’t like people feeling sorry for me. It felt patronizing. Like i was a little kid. I wanted to lash out at them, and all they wanted was to make me feel better.
I guess I see it as only a demonstration of weakness on my part would get someone to feel sympathy for me, and I didn’t want to be weak. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I want them to admire me, instead.
I don’t know what to do with my discomfort. Partly I try not to show it in the first place, or I show it in such a way that there is no room for sympathy. Like, I’m bipolar. People could feel sorry for me about that, but I try to take responsibility for being the best person I can be, no matter what is in my way. I don’t use it as an excuse for my behavior. It may be a reason, but it’s not to excuse what I have done.
I have done some things because of the way my mind works that other people don’t approve of. I don’t ask you to excuse me because I am sick. If you want to forgive me because I think I am doing the best I can to survive, I’d appreciate it. If not, then we do what we have to. I will not apologize. I will not expect you to accept me. We’ll just have to go different ways. But don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t deserve it and I don’t expect to get away with anything. But if I can persuade you that what I do makes sense, all I ask is you let me know that.