I have not been divorced, but having supported some of my friends who have been my advice is have a lawyer who you really feel is fighting for you. And, I don’t mean they are out to get you as much as they can, I mean they are there for you not only in terms of the law, but also that they care about your interests and you as a person. I had a girlfriend in a bad divorce, it is different than your situation, and she hired a lawyer so she would not have to deal with her ex directly. There was a court date or mediation scheduled when the lawyer was going to be out of town, and the lawyer said to her, “you can handle it, you know everything to say.” This was not when they first got divorced, but she was being dragged back into court about their child. Anyway, I could not believe a lawyer would say such a thing.
Be ready for it to be very upsetting and possibly cause you a lot of anger. From what I have observed, divorce is wrenching. Even if it has been a while since the separation, doing the paperwork and making everything officially final final stirs up all sorts of emotions. Have whatever you need during times of high anxiety at the ready. Whether it be a small stash of Xanax, best girlfriends on speed dial, or a therapists number.
I do know many people who get through the process without anything very uncivilized happening, it doesn’t have to be a big battle. I see couples able to agree about most things regarding their divorce and it is over very quickly. But, I guess quick can freak some people out also.
I’ll be thinking about you @janbb I hope things go relatively ok for you during the process.