For me depression is cyclical. It comes, usually in 6–7 month cycles but sometimes in as little as 3 month ones.
Knowing that it is cyclical and that it will be gone again soon keeps me going. BUT I do not have severe depression, only mild (that I know of).
Is there a real person (not one of us computer anime) that you can call and get some perspective from?

Hang in there dear. Remember; “Pain is a thing of the mind. The mind can be controlled.”

I think I’m on the same cycle…hang in there!

“Vulcans. Deep down your all just a bunch of hypochondriacs.”—Paris

Have you stopped or altered medication? I just didn’t take for four days and I found my mind slipping back into the dungeons again!

Oh, girlie. I’m sorry you’re in the black hole again. I’ve been there many times myself, and know how awful it is. One thing that helps me is to remember that I have been through it before, and that it got better. It always does, and knowing that is half the battle.

That said, going to therapy and finding the right medication changed my life. For real. Are you seeing a counselor? On any medications? Please don’t suffer longer than you need to. {hugs}

PM me if you want to talk.

Check with your doc, hon. There is some exciting new research on a cure for depression. I don’t want to post what it is, because it’s a widely available material and misuse can lead to very bad outcomes. But read up on it and see if your pill pusher is willing to give it a try the recommended regimen. If it’s going to work for you, it will work right away. You don’t have to medicate for a month before you even know if it will help.

Get better real soon. We need your wit and wisdom here. {{{Hugs}}}

You got my support, and I hope this clears up. Wish I had some advice, but I don’t, but here’s a hug from far away. ’‘hugs!’’ :) Hang in there, we’re all rooting.

Uh oh. I was going through a depressive state for a while. There is nothing so isolating as self isolation.

Having people to reach out to but feeling ashamed or self absorbed or weak or like no one could understand or help.

Stuckness.

But there are so many great things happening. So much I love about myself and others. So much learning. So many little changes I can make that give me the confidence to make the bigger ones. Face the bigger problems. Humans are so adaptable.

Hang in there. I don’t know if any of that helped. But I wanted to help so even if it was bumbling and off mark will you consider the intent behind it?

hugs

You seem to me like a fun person, a good mom, a proud mom, a pretty girl and a smart girl. You can get through this. You are worth it and your family is worth it. Best of luck and lots of love to you.

HUGS

You don’t have to get through this alone. You’ve started by reaching out here on Fluther. Next, may I suggest you call your doctor.

I’ve never taken medication, not have I ever been to a proper doctor. I did recently start back on hormonal birth control, I’m assuming that might be influencing this low. Of course knowing this doesn’t change anything. I’m still numb and weepy.

Awww @Seek_Kolinahr, I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. Can you see a doctor? If this has been ongoing and you’re feeling like cutting – it sounds like a really important thing to do before you sink too deeply.

I’m not sure what I can say to lift your spirits. I’d give you a hug if you were closer and…. take you to see the new Star Trek film when it comes out. Last time I went to the cinema, they had a tardis in the foyer. I so, so wanted to win it. If I had, I would have shared with you. I wanted to put my desk in it.

Keep talking to us and we’ll try to lift your mood and not be so annoying we send you in the other direction.

Hey look, i’m here, which shows I care, an excellent reason to immediately start feeling better.
If I like you then by default alone you must be kick arse cool, tender kiss on cheek, followed up with a cheeky bum grope :-)

You have value to us here in the lagoon. We would miss you terribly if you stopped visiting — and we only know you virtually. The people in your real life should feel terribly blessed to know you. You are a person of value.

Also, why do you not have a proper doctor?

@Seek_Kolinahr: I am convinced that oral birth control was a major contributor to my instability in my 20s and 30s. Can you go back to your Gyn to consider alternatives? I did so much better with the Mirena IUD and its localized hormones.

Otherwise, it may be a good time to find a therapist or at least a support group of some kind. You’ve overcome it before and you’ll do it again. This too shall pass. <3

I have never been where you say you are but I know that birth control pills really had all sorts of bad effects on my mind and body, so as @hearkat says, I would look for another method. And while counseling is always good, I have found the power of a group to be even better. Giving up an addiction is never easy but when I was surrounded by others who understood my plight, it gave me a comfort that I never found in a one on one with a shrink of any kind. If there is no specific group for you then try an alanon or an acoa. I have found them to be kind, non judgemental and welcoming always and to everyone. Keep going until you find the group that meets your needs and fills your heart and when you find it, keep going because it works if you work it. Good luck.

I agree with kat and rooey – the Pill made me feel terrible, too, and I got much better after I switched to an alternative birth control option. Maybe that would be a partial fix?

Why not go take the canoe out? Getting on the water can have an uplifting effect.

I hope you feel better soon {{Hugs}}

@Seek_Kolinahr, how are you feeling this morning? Are you working today?

Oh darlin, I’m sorry. Growing up with a mother susceptible to depression, I understand. There are lots of support groups that could help, which really helped mom.

I encourage you to be around happy people and count your blessings, these things too shall pass.

You’re beautiful, you’re needed, you’re worthy of love and respect, and deserve happiness. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that every single morning and more often if necessary.

I know it hurts and I am so sorry! I’d offer my suggestions but they sound so stupid and easy. If something terrible has happened recently, something new, then it’s your right to be depressed. I have thoughts I have to just block out of my mind. If I concentrate on them I’ll get depressed, too. How are you today? Hugs.

@bkcunningham I am physically present at my desk at work. I haven’t slept – not a wink. On my third cup of strong Sumatra coffee at 10:45 AM. Managing to keep from openly crying, mostly by not talking to anyone. It’s easy enough to pretend while on the phone with clients.

@Seek_Kolinahr See, another positive, you are functioning!! :)

Be careful driving if you’re not sleeping though.

Has something recently happened to trigger these feelings, @Seek_Kolinahr? Some trigger that you might be aware of? Please, tell me to shut-up if you don’t want to go in this direction and need something else from us. I’d love to just hold you and stroke your back and hair and tell you that it is alright to cry until you are all done my beautiful sassy, intelligent, gentle friend.

I’m pretty overwhelmed lately. I’m back to work for the first time since 2007, and thus away from my son all day. I’ve been having problems with childcare, because my husband’s work schedule is inconsistent, and we can’t afford to pay for daycare if we aren’t using it. My bestie, who had been keeping him on my husband’s work days, quit. At 5:30 on Friday. Just a text: “I’m resigning. Can’t do it any more.” She just found out she’s pregnant again, so it’ll be her third under six, but still. A little notice would have been nice. My relationship with my husband is weird – most of the time he seems more concerned with his stupid band than with me. And I have to filter anything I say, because he’s crazy with this “I dont’ want to hear this atheist stuff!” bullshit, trying to make me feel like I’m a bad parent because I don’t believe in God anymore. My parents suck, and they’re making my brother miserable, and as the Big Sister I feel like I should be helping – but then these are the same parents I broke away from in 2007 to save my own sanity. Can I really face their stress to save my brother from it? Work is hard, because my boss is leaving which leaves two of us in customer support for a company that operates in four countries, I’m getting all this extra work and no extra pay, and they’re going to be bringing in a new manager who (if the people I’ve seen interview are any indication) have no idea how a call center operates, much less how this particular business works. Seriously, people, the fact that she’s the boss’s friend doesn’t mean she’s qualified for the job! And now the owners of the company are changing the entire structure of the business on top of it, without really clarifying anything with us, so we have people calling in with questions that we just dont’ have the answers to….

</rant>

“And I have to filter anything I say, because he’s crazy with this “I dont’ want to hear this atheist stuff!” bullshit, trying to make me feel like I’m a bad parent because I don’t believe in God anymore.”

What?! How does your religious feelings make you a bad parent? That’s not cool, sis.

Anytime you feel like it, PM me for a big brotherly long-distance bear-hug. Just bury your face in my shoulder and cry. I’ll hold you, I’ll rock you, I’ll sing to you, and I’ll cry with you. And if you want, I’ll listen to you.

The childcare issue alone is stressful enough. Add that to joining the outside the home workforce again, major changes happening within that arena…damn your bestie for not giving you any warning. That’s a lot of stress, @Seek_Kolinahr, and it’s good that you are recognizing the triggers and the need to let it out and release. I wish you had another outlet besides cutting. You are so damn smart and talented.

I wish you could be your own childcare provider again and make money keeping other people’s children or by throwing art parties or something or other. I know I can’t fix it, but I’d love to help lighten your load.

Thank you @bk and everyone.

And especially, thank you for being here.

If it matters, I haven’t done it. All skin is intact at this point.

I really do feel like an idiot, wasting all your time with this attention-whoring.

@Seek_Kolinahr Yay! for intact skin. Look, girl, you’re not the one wasting anyone’s time!

@Seek_Kolinahr It’s not attention-whoring if you need support, that’s what friends are for, even e-friends- lol

Hey girl, you are definitely not bothering us, that is exactly what we are here for.

I really think you need to see a doctor, though. I don’t think this kind of thing is manageable on your own.

Here is some info from the Mayo Clinic about which types of therapies are available for people who self-injure and have depression.

Because of the bigger sphere of problems, especially with your husband not being very supportive and the situation with your parents and brother, you may also need some family therapy. Your best bet would be to see a primary care doctor, but make sure that you let him or her know, that you need to be referred to someone who can help you with the cutting, depression and family problems, and let him/her know about the current changes with your birth control, because that may need to be changed too. You could actually discuss all of this with your gynecologist, if you don’t want to make a separate appointment with a GP.

Don’t wait until this festers and gets worse. Look into making that appointment today.

In the meantime, don’t forget that we are here to help in any way that we can. And you need to get better so you can go and see the new Star Trek movie, and really enjoy it.

Live long and prosper, dear : )

If you drink a lot of caffeine in the mornings you may have a worse time sleeping at night. I thought you might want to know.

@Seek_Kolinahr, you are a major part of Fluther. MAJOR. You aren’t wasting anyone’s time. Please. You are very much loved here and such a major part of this crazy Internet world I’ve become a part of. You and I are actually almost neighbors. Well, Florida’s a big state, but still, I get over to the Gulf quiet often and every time I do, I think about you and your little boy.

Everybody in this world needs attention and help in their lives. Me included. There have been a few times I wanted to reach out here, but I was reluctant. Seeing you be real and reach out will make it much easier for me the next time I need some emotional support.

I hate to think of you hurting.

@Seek_Kolinahr I’ve walked up to the edge of that abyss and looked in, but good friends pulled me back each time. There’s some good people here, lean on us for a bit. You’ve got more stress in life than anyone needs right now and it doesn’t look like you’re getting much support. Don’t cut please, although I understand that feeling. I even run stuff up and down my arms lightly thinking about it. But it’s not going to improve anything for real. I seriously think you should see a doctor you’re comfortable with and get a physical to start, maybe some labs if they think it’s merited. If something is physically out of balance that’s the only way to tell for sure. Also find some down time. It sounds like everyday you’re on edge all the time. That’ll wear anyone out. Here’s a hug and best wishes for you.

I agree with the above jellies. Please try not to feel like you’re “wasting” our time. It’s not true. But I know that feeling well. When I am depressed, I don’t even want to be around friends or call them, because I feel like I’ll be wasting their time. That is just depressed-thinking, but it’s hard to realize that at the time. You are a precious squishy here. Please keep coming here for support.

The time we spend supporting jellies in need is probably some of the best time we ever spend here, @Seek_Kolinahr. Not a waste, for sure. We love you!

@Seek_Kolinahr Breathe. One thing at a time. Breathe again. Do one more thing. Breathe yet again, and do another thing.

Keep breathing.

Keep doing just one thing at a time.

(HUGS)

I am curious. Do you have medical insurance? Do you have a doctor? Can you get an appointment? I know you stated you’ve never been on medication. Does that mean you’re against it for the feelings you’re having?

Is there anything else we can do? Apart from sending you virtual hugs by the truckload and making sure you know we’re thinking about you and even though you can’t see us, we’re there holding your hand.

Can we find you funny things to watch to make you laugh? Can @Kardamom send you a care package? I’d send you food but I suspect my cooking might not help :-)

I do have health insurance now. First time in my life. One positive thing that’s come out of this job so far, apart from the paychecks. I don’t have or know a doctor. Never been to a counselor in my life. I don’t even know anyone who’s ever been to a counselor. I’m pretty sure I have a GP on file, but I’ve never seen them. My insurance went into effect in December, right before I had surgery. So that surgeon and the gynecologist I met a month ago are the only doctors I’ve seen in years. Since my son was born, actually. And I only saw that person on the actual day of delivery. Last minute transfer from my midwife.

I think what I mean to say is that I don’t have a long history of trusting doctors. I’m not opposed to medical treatment, but I would rather not, if I can avoid it. from what I hear there are all sorts of evil nasty side effects from chemically altering your brain. I’ve never even smoked pot – so I can’t imagine why I’d be happy about the prospect of antidepressants that plainly state they can make people attempt suicide. I’m damn proud of myself that suicide has never been an option for me. I’ve wished non-existence upon myself enough times, but never have I wished death.

Just keep the idea that seeing a doctor is available and may be worthwhile if things don’t improve. Do what’s worked for you in the past but if things don’t improve, just consider seeing someone? Keep an open mind – which I know you can do. Hugs! Off to work now.

Ya know, you probably wouldn’t be thinking attention-whore if you would dress a little less provocatively. I mean, that garter belt with those stockings….......

Thinking about you over here and feeling some of your pain. Hang in there.

I’m the queen of no prescription pride, @Seek_Kolinahr. But I’m here to tell you this too, I’ve been on antidepressants twice in my life. The first time I don’t even remember to be honest. The second time was for three months. I had tried to get pregnant and lost three babies. When I lost the first, I was nearly six months pregnant. When I had a D&C for the third miscarriage, my mother was in final stage renal failure. I nearly lost my mind. My GP, God bless him, and I mean that, God please bless him, put me on antidepressants.

One morning I walked to the end of my driveway to get my newspaper from the tube. I stood there for a few minutes. I can see myself standing there as I type. I thought to myself, ‘What is that?’ I realized I could smell the mud from a morning rain. It was so unreal to me. I had been so sick that I couldn’t smell.

I knew there on the spot that I was on the road to recovery. When I told my doctor, just a GP, not a quack or a head shrink~, the story about smelling the mud, he smiled at me. He just smiled. He told me he was going to write the script for one more month and then we’d talk about the future.

@Seek_Kolinahr, I told him I was scared. I was. I was scared to death of being sick and scared to death of not being sick but needing the meds. My brother has paranoid schizophrenia. I was scared. I took the leap of faith and stayed on the meds for one more month and I’ve done okay for the past ten years without the medication. If I needed it now, I’d take it without hesitation. Why not?

Sometimes I think I really need to see a psychiatrist just to talk out some shit. But I have discovered Fluther. No seriously, what is it that prevents us from seeking the proper treatment?

@bkcunningham Very nicely done. I hate meds, but sometimes our bodies get out of alignment.
@Seek_Kolinahr You’ve got insurance, use it. Talk with your GP and ask for a referral. Or referrals if the first one doesn’t feel right.

Sometimes our bodies do get our of alignment, @Adirondackwannabe. LOL That is so true. Mentally and physically. I think it is a control issue. I don’t like to be out of control. Well, let me rephrase that. I like to be in control of when I am out of control. Hummphh It is some scary stuff when you the electricity in your brain isn’t firing just right. There isn’t any shame in that. It is jus a fact sometimes. Sometimes we need a little help. I’m the first to admit that I don’t like asking for help. I’ll offer it up all day long and take pride, sometimes too much pride, in giving help. But in accepting help…well, that’s a different story.

@Seek_Kolinahr How good is your relationship with your GP? I trust mine completely and we don’t hide anything from each other. It’s a stretch at times, but I tell her everything. I’ve been seeing her for years, so that helps. But she’s also very honest and upfront. A good relationship is important.

@Adirondackwannabe, kind sir, she said she may have a GP on file now that she has insurance-first time in her life she’s had health insurance. But she’s never had nor does she know a doctor.

Here’s a fact of life. Many women have used the county health department’s women and infant’s clinic, I can’t think of the proper name at the moment, for their primary health care provider. I don’t see any shame in that, myself, and I know people who haven’t even had that luxury. I’m not saying that is the case with @Seek_Kolinahr. I’m just telling you that, @Adirondackwannabe, as a fact of life.

@bkcunningham My office is directly over the Planned Parenthood office. I get lots of people off course looking for it. And I live in the County seat. I know what poverty looks like. A good Dr patient relationship takes a bit. Thanks for you advice.

I had a pretty decent job and used the county health department for years. My deductible was so high I coulndn’t afford to go anywhere else. Plus, I love the doctor there and trusted here. OB/GYN and birth control is provided on a sliding scale so even if you make $1 kazillion dollar a year, you still pay the top of the scale one price. I love and support the local health departments.

Wait, I just realized you said Planned Parenthood. That isn’t a state or county organization. Nevermind.

@bkcunningham They just split from PP cause they don’t agree on abortion.

A good religious Planned Parenthood abortion adoption political welfare democrat republican libertarian tea party stay at home versus work outside the home spanking your kids wearing pajamas to 7–11 debate may be just what the doctor ordered for @Seek_Kolinahr, @Adirondackwannabe. Sorry to get off track here my friends. It was my fault. LOL I love you @Adirondackwannabe. You are so easy to talk to.

Cognitive behaviour therapy for depression is not only very effective but research shows it can help you avoid falling into a bad depression after you have learn how to use the techniques it teaches you. I hope you can find someone to help you using this techniques. There are some self-guided approaches you can learn from books if you can’t see a therapist but those tools work best when you are guided by a professional. I hope you can find some help. Depression really hurts and you don’t have to suffer over and over.

@Seek_Kolinahr , I agree with @Dr_Lawrence about CBT. It can be very helpful. My therapist and I started working on that a while ago. It aims in part to make you more aware of the thought processes that lead you into and maintain depression.

I’m the receiving clerk at work, and I happened to come home with a box cutter in my pocket, which (along with everything in my pockets) ended up on the kitchen counter. My husband hid it. First thoughtful thing he’s done in a long time.

So…

Opeth/Katatonia concert tomorrow night.

Perfect opportunity to unwind, right? Focus on myself for a little bit? Only been planning to go for three months now…

Childcare just flaked on me.

F. M. L.

Seriously.

If I believed in god, I’d be convinced it hated me.

Oh that is a huge bummer :( I’m really sorry that you are not able to make this show. I hope that you get the chance to go to a good concert very soon. Hugs.

Oh… wish I was closer @Seek_Kolinahr. I would happily step in :-(

@Seek_Kolinahr Unlike Vulcans who seek to purge emotions, we humans must learn the connection between our thoughts and our feelings.

@Seek_Kolinahr I’ve been wracking my brain to come with an idea. Have you used any other childcare provider that might be able to step in or maybe a very trusted friend? You’ve still got some time to look before you have to give up on it. I’d offer my services if I were near you and you had a chance to see some id and check me out.

Dang! Doesn’t Fluther have a childcare facility???

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’ll be yet another advocate for finding the right antidepressant. when I’m off my meds, I just don’t want “to be” anymore. I don’t like anyone or anything. Everything sucks. I hate my life. Taking the right meds can really change all that. I still have bad days, of course, but they’re not near as frequent as they were before.

I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and giving you lots of cyberhugs! <3

I would not be here today without meds and therapy. What you have is a disease; it’s not a state of mind. You need medical attention.

Even I endorse finding the right medication and taking it as directed / negotiated between you and your physician. You know where I stand on short-term action-oriented therapy such as cognitive therapy for depression. Not only does it work but it helps you avoid relapses because it leaves you will the skills you need to fight off depression in the future. Please follow up on our advice. We’d love to see you get you sparkle back!

Firstly, I am sorry you are feeling like this. Mental health is the worst possible feelings. Especially the need to self harm. I don’t think we ever ‘get over’ mh problems, no matter how many pills and counselling we have.

Has something triggered these feelings for you?