I’ve ended a couple bad relationships; but my true independence occurred when I finally freed myself from the shackles of victimhood.
From a very young age, I was teased and made to feel less-than, this made me easy to coerce into being molested in my elementary-school years. Having been taught that I was worthless, with no other positive messages to counter that, made me loathe myself and feel that I always had something to prove and that I had to be ‘useful’ to someone in order to warrant any time or attention from them.
My metamorphosis did not occur until I was in my 40s – it has been well-documented here on Fluther. I had to accept my past for what it is, and to stop feeling ashamed about something over which I had no fault or control. I had to reassess my values and redefine who I am as an adult. I had to forgive myself for all the mistakes I’d made when I was caught-up in that victim mindset. I had to take another look at the things I’d been through as an adult, and acknowledge that as shitty as my partners may have been, my behaviors contributed to how those relationships developed and fell apart.
I had to teach and re-parent myself how to behave as the person I want to be – rather than reacting reflexively based on poor programming and bad habits. I had to stop seeing only the bad and negative, and learn to find the good and positive in life. I had to accept that I can’t make others like or love me, but that I am lovable and worthy of happiness.
I have stopped playing games within my own head. I have taken full accountability for who I am and what I do in the here-and-now. No pointing fingers, no looking back. I am me, and I am free.